This week, pt. 1

So ...
One of the most interesting distractions of the New Farm area is noticing the division of the new from the old residents, as demonstrated through the use of exclusionary fencing. The new residents tend to install high and impervious fencing, protecting themselves from the rougher types of the area. Statistically, I am sure that there is a significantly lower rate of property crime (especially home invasions) in the area now. So why do they distinguish themselves in this manner? For all the talk of being part of a community, for all the sense of sharing the area, by doing so, are they not restricting access to themselves and their neighbours? How can you feel neighbourly as you look out across your yard and see a massive fence protuding into your view into the next yard?
In other news this week, I was beaten by my brother, with the physical result of contused, swollen left eye (see below), and a visit to Dr. Anderson yesterday confirmed that two ribs are fractured, which explains why it is so painful to breathe sometimes, or why sneezing is stopping me in my tracks ... So I texted Milli about taking her up on the offer to flat sit, and then spent five days trying to coordinate with Dani to get keys off her - apparently she just refused to take my calls, preferring instead to send me abusive, conflicted texts ... The flat is small, yet set out well enough to amuse my nesting urges - I quite like it really! The downside is that it is significantly dirty, but in an erratic way, with some areas more filthy than others, and I am unable to access the verandah at the front. But for all that, I have moved a few things, tidied up a bit, and even unpacked some things from the boxes, making myself feel at home - found a knife block at the local RSPCA op shop yesterday, so now all but one (the big Japanese that Father bought back) knives are displayed, out and proud ...
*** Hmm, seems I am not able to load that photo ***
To be continued ...

In Briz 2 yrs ... so what?

So ...
Here I lie, battered and bruised, beaten by my brother, and I am wondering if things can really get much worse? Earlier he tussled with me, punched me in the balls, threw me to the ground, seperated by his elderly Mother, and so he mouths threats of violence. He goes away, I go to lie down and work in my room on the legal docs for the intestate application. Later he comes in, so I turn to the side to put my laptop down, thinking that he has to discuss his issues ... BANG-smack to left side of eye :( More tussling, I kick him away, towards the door, spring up off the bed, and then realise how stupid it is to be physically fighting with own brother! So I just tell him to leave, as it is so ridiculous a situation, and turn away to return to bed, thinking how ludicrous this all is ... BANG-punch from behind to ribs ... so I react, and follow the blow down counter-clockwards ... at which point, he gets in three(3) very deliberate and focussed punches onto my fractured clavicle ... the scream of pain and frustration barely beats the arrival of his Mother, who then leads him away ... tears streaming from my eyes from the pain, I go downstairs to say that this violence has got to stop, that he needs to get proper help ... and as I go back, Mother tells me it is my fault, that I deserve what I got because, basically, I did not make him a cup of coffee - "Would you like me to make you a coffee?" "Oh, that is the least you could do" "Oh, right ... But, do you want a coffee?"
sigh
Here I am at 42, wondering what I am missing if the meaning of life is:

• my 1st broken bone;
• the death of my father; and,
• to be bashed by my brother, with the approval of Mother ...

Remembering my words and thoughts from my birthday, wondering what to expect, now I am thinking that the premonition presented by the complete lack of involvement of people around here was prophetic? Things are so, so bad, and all I can do is focus on future possibilities, trying to ignore present painful 'realitites' in the hope that the future can be realiseable ... Although I am going to Geelong for the World Cup, although I have yet to book a ticket or accomodation, seriously I am now more and more considering a much, much longer stay? Wow, almost seems that there would be people glad to see me there :( Who would really miss me from Brisbane?
sigh
When I came here, it was with the goal of supporting Mother, to provide her with some basis of space to vent and discuss safely, privately considering that the other 2 were bullying her, which was backed by comments that she made previously. Wow, that went pear shaped:

• Sister says 'You move in, I will never visit'
• Brother beats on me ...

Knowing that moving in here I would have to deal with Mother's paranoias and fears, I thought that I could demonstrate their baseless nature, hoping to reassure or calm her? But, am not sure if that has or will happen ... So, I was holding on to my fallback position, to stay here being supportive within the timeframe of ATO (early 11/10), leaving in a neat bundle after that time. But now? Realistically, once I left here, once the pain became too much to bear, it is quite unlikely that I would returning in any sensible way ... These people are weird, so -ve, so unlike me that I do not feel any sense of attachment or connection ... and especially now, as I sit in bed typing this, suffused by 3 Panadeine Forte + 3 Nurafen Plus, trying to ignore the pain(s) ...
sigh
There has been other things happening in my life (wonder of wonders) and I will add them soonest - even have been back at ATO for this week, but that is a story for another time ...