Addendum/conclusion

Unsure why I feel so depressed, so low - she likes me, cares for me, wants to be my friend - which is what I want(ed) too ... So am I rubbed raw (again), I wonder? Am I really doomed to repeat such cycles of violence and abuse??? An email like that was a bit confronting - not even the courtesy of a phone call ... So, does it matter?
There is something to be said for the BCC wi-fi connectivity - I cannot connect!!! Imagine that is more about my inability to diagnose problems, explore context for connection, but what to do, hey?
Sunday arvo ...
Drink Crittenden Dry white
Visited QUT Art museum
Watched 'Perfect blue' DVD - has someone been watching/reading 'American psycho', maybe?
Somewhat random notes seems to be the nature of these postings :o
Smashing pumpkins are coming to town, and apparently they are the 'best grouping' yet!!! Which kind of is really interesting given that James and Darcy were the driving forces behind the words of Corgan ... Wonder if he ever got over the r/ship with Courtney?
Writing this, realising that I am discussing these people as if they were intimate friends, and I on first name basis with them, reminds me again of the consideration of 'gossip mags' with their enforced/shared intimacy with the 'stars' of the world ...
There were waves of clouds caressing the moon, skiding across the sky, leaving no trace of their passage, but stroking gently, effortlessly, arousing emotion/feeling in preparation for the full moon to arise in the sky tomorrow ...
Which kind of lead to the bit that sucked about being there - as I sit alone, writing, thinking, feeling, alone, men circle me like vultures waiting for death to arrive under the noon sun ... 'Want some company?' Want to enjoy my peace + quiet to be honest, let the thoughts erupt through my mind, skid effortlessly like the clouds above ...
Seems in this, as in life in the main, my role is to listen to others, to not be listened to, used and abused, the soiled tissue cast aside ... Is this a recognition of what my role in society is to be, an understanding that I must accept who/what I am, without cause for aspiration, or change? Or is it just a realisation that there are those that use me for their own needs, and I should just get used to it? Just get rid of those that do not add value to my life? But is that not 'mercenary' and/or rather self-serving, self-justified, self-focussed?
Did I mention that Friday is Geelong for the W/C, and I am very excited ... So much to do before though ... busy, busy, as someone once commented ...