Done & dusted - phew!

It has been a strange time & am only just pulling out of this dive!
Contract ended 17/07/22 & discussed extreme reluctance to undertake an extension - unless changes were offered? This was not going to happen & so an extension did not happen. Discussed the need for discretion, so as, to paraphrase Dylan Thomas, to fade gently into the night. Except that the APS6 reaches out to understand why & to ask what could be done - but, spent most of the time telling me that I was jealous of the successes of the APS4! Que??? [later, it did transpire that the APS4 has made a rather severe 'error' - oops!] Anyway, then the EL1 pops up, wanting a chat. But, instead, got her to email me instead - good that I did, because it basically said: you have three options -

1. You can resign, take the money owing & bugger off;
2. You can take your entitlements & then resign; or,
3. You can take your entitlements at half pay, extend yourself twice as long & then resign!

But, if you do either #2 or #3, that will be a lot more work for me, so you might as well just resign!
Except, of course, I was not resigning, but just not renewing another contract.
Anyway, got miffed by that (& also a bit of PTSD), so discussed it the next day at my DPA review - who pointed out that I did have a lot of 'personal leave', which I would not be taking with me ... so, finished the next day! Tidied up transition, left a clean slate & sent an email to everyone, thanking them for the joys & challenges.
Since then, have drunk a lot of wine, watched the TdF & tried to do a whole bunch of other things: clothes washing, weeding, cooking and, visiting the public library - apparently, this is what normal do?

060622 - what does a woman want?

Oh, that movie, ‘How to please a woman’ - I needed that! At first, I thought I might need to stand up & shush the lorikeets in the back row- but, they settled once the movie started. This is an Australian film that, like many good Australian films, did not take itself too seriously; had a lot of wry humour; used delicate innuendos; and, had fun doing it!

On a more serious note, I really need to clean more!

On a broader note, I needed that. This highlights that I am really quite isolated & alone! It also showed that I am getting a tad frantic with stress - which is, at least, partially driven by employment, if only because there is so little else; and, it was nice just to throw a wry comment over my shoulder, as a way to share a moment of joy! Plus, I really (really!) need to get laid :( <sigh> I do miss physical contact …

Am struggling to read ‘Woman of thirty’ (by Balzac) - not only is the content so varied (where did ‘I’ come from???), but the actual subject matter is quite disturbing, as it requires some concentration to maintain an awareness of who is doing what & when! Which is probably why I perservere, I guess!

Oh - happy birthday, too!

300522 - OUCH!

Well that sux! Late on Friday afternoon, the APS6 contacts 2/3 of us & says: “well, I’m off, come Monday. BTW - team is splitting up, with the other APS3 & one of the APS4 going to the new team, who will handle BACS/ECS [wait - I am the only one that knows about such things!] Oh, yeah - Kristal will fill the vacant APS4 role. Have a great w/e - all the best!” [Wait - who? Kristal who made disparaging remarks after MX/PX training? The one who has been constantly rude since that ‘oversight’/slip?] Well, if anything this confirms that I am in the wrong place, at the wrong time & in the wrong role!

Which reminds me - have I mentioned the EL2 & the warning, based on “something somebody said, about something that I cannot remember, some time ago - but, you are warned”. But, warned about what???

What a week! Life is getting so bad that I have undertaken to write something nice about each day, starting from Monday - I am struggling here!

But, then there have been a whole flurry of other ‘good’ things that have happened:

• Jai won the Giro! Watching the penultimate stage & seeing the intensive efforts to climb a little faster, as Carapaz was being isolated & unable to match the pace - commentators made out that it was because Kemna pulled back & paced Jai, but, as anyone that climb mountains will tell you, if that was the key to success, why did Carapaz just not sit on the wheel? Besides, even Kamna went away from Carapaz! That being said, the ‘Condor from Ecuador’ climbed well & is a name to keep an eye on - despite being with Ineos;
• Have had a ‘bit’ of a cold snap & so been having fires again _ I like fires! Not sure If I mentioned earlier that I got 1T of blue gum & 1/2T of yellow gum - but, the combination does seem a tad arbitry … has meant that I have been using some of the logs from previous years & discovered that I have some very nice pieces of (mallee) root discretely tucked away! Now, if only I could remember who I got them from; and,
• Did a roast chicken. Used the recipe from Stephanie, i.e. start high & then go low. Worked out very well - stuffed with mix of lemon, bread, herbs & mix of liquids, e.g. fish sauce, olive oil & mirin. Even (almost) regretted that I gave 1/2 to Greg!

100320 - getting closer!

What a day!
Was it just me, or were many of the callers today a bit 'odd'? These included:

• A woman who starts by saying that she has bad asthma & then proceeds to talk non-stop; 
• A fellow who interrupts me every time I start to explain/answer his question re BDM not doing divorce certificates. Then tells me that I am discriminating against him for not being able to read or write - even though he only tells me that later & proceeds to write the other contact number into his phone; and, 
• A new mother who wants to register without F, but the stat dec is insufficient. On the one hand, I am complimented for explaining it better than the previous ROs; but on the other, it is my fault that she has not done what has been requested. Further, she states that she has not received any emails from, nor any calls. Then advises that she does not answer calls which are 'No caller ID' ... 

Did having a coffee before work impact on my day? Maybe ...
Anyway, finished now - time to head back into the outskirts, away from this morass of urbanity & attend to the needs of the ABI affected.
Or, more simply, to go & have some alcohol ...
Food is again an issue - not quite sure what is in the cupboard/fridge which is transferable to our needs ... <dash> just remembered that I had forgotten to go to buy some lentils at lunch - was too busy meandering the streets with Sal, discussing the ways & means of future development(s) ...
Been advised that contract to be extended until 01/05 - not that this affects me, but it is reassuring for others? Odd way to do it, however - Bonnie comes around, tells you to go into 'Admin' & then tells select groups, in a rather piecemeal fashion. Why not just email us?

AM
Seems that time is speeding up. Again.
Isolated & alone.
Also doing little about it.
Might try to do something about that.
Along with everything else that needs doing...
Of course, some things get done - more a question of using momentum?
G is to visit. Hopefully.
Not real plans.
Has vouchers that he needs to use.
Questionable - company, maybe? But unable to articulate?
Or maybe it is just that simple?

*** Really need to publish again ***

The infrequency of train travel reveals itself for the changes that incrementally creep along - weather, housing, etc.
It will be soon that AEDST ends! Hooray!
Irony - on one side the sun arises, blazing red/yellow, fiery; on the other, the moon is almost full - they are almost literally balancing each other, with one setting as the other rises. Usually they are not quite so synchronized?
Facial hair is irritating - or, at least, having more than just a smidge of overgrowth. To think, only another three (3) months! Really do not think that 12 months will be manageable ...

290719

A strange w/e just gone:

• Was meant to go back up to visit the museum, but didn't - last minute (Friday night) cancellation; 
• Was going to cook duck - in fact, took it out of the freezer, but decided it would not thaw in time & so put it back again; 
• Went to Aldi, to do some shopping & to pick up some turkey legs. But they didn't have any, so bought lamb shanks instead; 
• Then went mad cooking up a lot of food - even though there was not anyone coming to share it. Made a lamb shank in tomato base, with the additional of capsicum & mushrooms. Also did a rather nice spicy (preserved lemons, etc) brown lentil dish, with bacon & potatoes. The idea being that I could put cous-cous on the plate, cover in tomato mix & have the lentils on the side. Except that I had no dinner guests; and, 
• Also drank a lot of wine! 

After all that, I went over to visit Felix, to watch the last mountain stage of the TdF & drink wine - was a bit misbehaved :(
Anyway, the last/final/only climb did a lot more damage to Allaphillipe, Porte, etc. Indeed, there was a significant reshuffle of the top three (3) placings. Nibali won & rather convincingly, too!
Sunday awoke with a rather severe headache, so really got absolutely nothing done - typically, it was a good day for cycling. Actually, spent a lot of time in bed, dozing off, etc.
Then struggled to get up & moving on Monday morning - woke up at 6, watched the presentation & then rolled over & went back to sleep! Again, a good, still morning for riding, but just could not get moving - indeed, have walked out without shaving, etc. which will be a bit embarrassing - especially as, realistically, I could have managed it ...
<sigh>

260719 - odd stories!

PM
After all that, not a bad day! Splurged & got coffee, to start the day. But the regular barista was not there & the apprentice almost ordered me two (2) flat whites - which would have really made the day zing! Allen's mother died, so he was off. Room was hot, but I managed to slot in next to Glenda - an odd position, as it is quite a spacious corner desk. Some of the odd work calls included: a bloke who almost started to cry when I printed out his certificate, because apparently nobody goes the extra bit further anymore; chap who had been incarcerated when his mother died - told by his father & nobody would give him any details. In this particular instance, it transpired that she had died in WA & he wanted a DC, so that he could find the grave to lay some flowers; and, F who had not been advised that the child had been born* but was happy enough to confirm his paternity.

AM
Feedback: do you listen to yourself? It seems that a complaint resonates with the TL (Bonny) because it reinforced her prejudices! But, try telling her that ... Anyway, any feedback is good feedback. Right?

Would like more +ve feedback, however - something that seems to be sadly lacking these days ... Rather than a generic 'you are doing a good job' why is it good, what particularly drew it to your attention?

That being said, have been helping with the training of others. It reinforced how much I do know, yet use so seldomly ... might try again to do birth registration?

Spoke to a girl, who wanted to do a CON - by paper; had been bankrupt; was NFA; had little POI - license had expired; and, had a really odd name - so why change now?

Have made it through the week :)

Quintana won a stage last night :) was kind of odd that on the 2nd last climb (Izoard), Movistar (Solare & Landa) came to the front & started driving the pace. Even though Quintana was in the front group (the breakaway), which was nine (9) minutes in front & so Quintana had effectively ridden himself into 2nd overall. Leaves me to wonder what the outcome would have been if they hadn't come to the front - although, it did burn off many of the other riders. So maybe it is a long(er) term plan, as there are two (2) more stages in the mountains - including a mountaintop finish tonight. These are always sensational, because the riders have to keep going, as the pace is usually so high that it is extremely difficult to just draft along.

* indeed, this was an odd one! M was involuntary paitent in psych ward; child had been induced prematurely by c-section & then taken by DHHS; grandma had submitted stat dec from herself, stating that it was a violent relationship, F had accused M of infidelity, M was autistic, with an IQ of 50, and had multiple psychiatric problems. Hence why she had been sectioned; there was also a stat dec submitted from M stating that she wanted to have nothing to do with F, due to a reasonable apprehension of fear of the F - it was surprisingly well written for someone with an IQ of 50 (& it was in the same handwriting as the grandma's stat dec)! F also advised that it was the step-parents of M, not her natural parents & started to tell some story about military personnel from USA, but I lost the plot there ...

240719 - misunderstood fault

 A day where it seems that not being understood is all my fault?

Apart from that, I wonder sometimes if I should really give up drinking, etc. for it seems to make me irritable/cranky - or is it that I become less tolerant of idiots?

Trip away was good - well, for the most part, anyway. Spent a lot of days in pain, from the ear & fighting off the early onset of a cold. Indeed, things got so bad on the way back, that my ears would not clear & so I tried to pop them - which led to intense discomfort & a strong sense of vertigo!

Anyway, lots of warm days & long walks along the beach ... tried to swim every day ... tried a few coffee places - but don't think I got much beyond the familiar? Hmm ... Ate out a lot, with mixed results - but mostly it was fun just to try things, to see how other people lived. Won't be doing that for awhile, however ... On the hand, one night I tried waygu from the local butcher ($60/kg) & was quite impressed with the outcome - although, bit big just for me ... Stayed up a few nights to watch the TdF coverage & there certainly were some exciting stages! Also spent some money on clothes, including popping down to Cannibal. Took the bus down there, looked around, but could not justify buying jersey/bibs when I am barely riding these days. So bought socks, gloves & a water bottle - has the squeeze valve I am always looking for Anyway, on way back, got chatting to a girl at bus stop, as you do. Turns out she was from Sweden & working her way around Australia. But, the stories she told about accessing the tourist visa were enlightening - especially about if you want a 2nd year, you need to do three (3) months farm work!

200619

 PM

No news - or, at least, nothing else to report. On the inbound queue (again), so a lot of filling time, between callers. This is especially difficult in terms of time managment, having to judge when people call how to respond - much prefer doing outbound, being able to research theproblem/solution before calling. That being said, do quite enjoy the TIS/OS calls ... Mind you, many OS calls are psuedo, with people either dialling the incorrect number or being transferred by the IT people. Today, there was one call where the first thing they said was 'get me the manager'! Turns out it was a severe case of online illiteracy? Spoke to the wife, then the husband, who complained a lot & then gave me back to the wife! Who turned out to be lodging a CON for a schoolgirl, sitting next to her. <sheesh> TBH today has dragged & yet here we are at the end of the day - possibly some o/t on Saturday, so maybe not the last day this week? Anyway, we shall see. Looked at the new job - seems a bit more high-tech than anticipated & unsure if available to the likes of me. But, still ... if you don't ask, how will you ever know? Tonight is the night to go & explore the club, across the road - not sure whether to go without company. But, again, why not? The meals are advertised as $13 & there is a variety of options - not all pies or sausages! Having said that, also went to buy some bread earlier - make some sandwiches & pizzas?

 

AM

Wassup? The effect of one (1) train running late reverberates onto each successive service - picking up the passengers who are early for the next service & decide to have a go ... then are those who were going to be late, but now make it in time ...then there is the switching, to allow multiple users/trains on the same lengths of tracks - this being the biggest delaying factor of all usually! But, we will all get there, anyway. Which is the point,I suppose! We are all warm, dry & alright. Safe & secure. Comfortably numb. Cocooned in silence, buffeted by the gentle rocking of the train, swaying from side to side, tethered only by the faintest of connections to daily realities.

Then, of course, the reality differs from that of expectations - some of the stations (Lara/North) are far busier than expected ...

The influence of Benjamin is apparent now, with the socialist/communist interpretation of the appropriation of the value of art through its repoduction - especially that of the images, such as photography. How the visual is in 2D, which can be repoduced & how the tactile is removed - a picture of a sculpture does not allow you to sense its construction or texture. Similarly, the image is easily repoduced & then commidified through distribution to the masses via various means of dissimenation. However, this may be why travelling exhibitions of art are so popular & expensive? People realize that they do not get the same level of engagement with just an image, so want to be able to entertain the other sense - for how can a photo elicit the aural effect of wind blowing down & through a piece of architecture?

190619

 Abject masses of humanity.

But what to do? Some trains go straight past, carrying loads from down the track; others stop to fill up - if all were to stop,then maybe the burden would be spread more evenly? But then it would also be more chaotic. Those down the line get the seats, but then are delayed at the other end. What is it to be? Possibly more frequent trains?

Interestingly, a lot of people drive to the station & then leave their cars there - notions of prestige? What sort of society is able to be so flagarent about waste - you have to buy the car, the petrol, parts, etc. & pay ongoing costs, such as registration, etc. All just to leave it there - which requires space & causes pollution. Hmm ... could be a business idea there - sort of like a car pooling uber? Pay, say $5/day to be picked up & dropped off each day?

140619 - SmakRok exposition

 SmakRok - Intro; Up; Down; Around; and, Concluding remarks.

VU important to up/down.

The idea that culture is influenced by sound/words - novels, etc. tend to be more exploratory, more effusive, more considered. Yet in the words of VU are images of possibilities. RFTT - or more specifically, Laughner, is about 'the' life, where drugs are pivotal to existence - if I can't have drugs, is this a life worth living? Life is pain - addiction,drug seeking behaviours, etc. Again, the morally responsible addict? Certainly there is a space for the ethical addict, one who lives a life true to themselves, but with minimal effect/impact on others - but role of those affected? Is this purely the socail mores - should the onus be upon society for endangering the mothers, etc? Where is the social responsibility for the negative consequences - is this the actions of the individual, or society? Who should bear the responsibility for the social evils? Drug convictions = no jobs; lower socio-economic access; refusal of entry (e.g. USA); stigmatization; guilt by association; prejudice; peer pressures; reductive; minimizing of social circles; loss of privileges; awareness of hypocrisy; loss of motivation - why strive when the society is so set against you?

Lazyboy - marijuana vs viagra -> natural highs, but now more hydro ... why do people judge other people? why would you not give money to beggars - what are they going to do with it? decorate the shelter?

Then there is the role of alcohol/tobacco/caffeine <- the latter is possibly the most problematic, for it is so readily available ... what is ice rage except someone that has had too much coffee?

Then there are pharmaceuticals, the pills that Mother gives you CAN do a lot, or much! Yet they are the most regulated - in one sense, the medicalisation of knowledge = a cult of acceptance, where if you subscribe to the power of the dr, then you get drugged? The role of the placebo & self-belief? Hence, to be o/s of that is to be o/s of society & its mores ...

120619

 How do people - especially females - see themselves? Is it simply that 'we' want to see ourselves as part of the herd & so seek labels, so as to be one amongst many? Guess that the flaw/danger of this is that it is too easy to be determined as 'other' & denigrated.Hence the curse of 'fat-shaming' - as if biological determinism is not relevant & yet it is. We have standards so that we all have something to aspire to, something to be determined by. But it is only relevant when it is, when it becomes necessary to look at the determination & decide whether it is relevant. As an example, females generally have a higher body fat ratio than men - but, like all averages, there are extremes where they reach over to cross over the other. Which is why they are called averages ...

Picked up Benjamin to read in the mornings & am reminded of his (& more generally, that of the educated European Jews of that era) eloquence, as reading. Mind you, this morning was not a day for reading - got to station & looked at the earlier train, with its empty seats, but decided to wait for the next train, as it is more direct. Except, somebody wandered on to the tracks & supported all trains getting through, until the police had a look - ended up standing all the way! Mind you, it was (kind of) funny going along, as each station had people who simply could not get on! Anyway, this eloquence I speak of is that of an essay celebrating the attraction of collecting books, for instance.

220519 - red reading

 Engels & the role of particularly women in property conceptions through the development of the family has been especially interesting. The analysis ties in the primative attractiveness of communism/communal living, seeing the each gender had its role in society, but it was about the society as a group which was paramount, rather than the individual. It reminds me of the attraction, especially to women, of this conception of socialism/communism - could this be part of the evolution for Nordic socialism? Certainly, there is more of an attraction for the primacy of the mother - you always know who the mother is, right? Whereas, the father can be unknown (or uncaring), so why not emphasise/rely on the mothers' identity. Indeed, the role of the male is evidently that of a stud - of little use, apparent from breeding or hunting. There is a certain attractiveness to this communal living, e.g. kibbutz living, but I fear that it takes a paradigm shift in a broader social sense to enable/enact significant changes - imagine the BRS with unknown fathers! So, there are lessons to be gathered from the writings - interestingly, it is a prose easier to read than Marx, but is missing his subtle humour! Hence why the combination of both is so significant, for they balance & complement each other? Certainly it gives me something to engage with on my morning train journeys. Another significant insight is the role that private property begins to play in the socio-cultural development of humanity - as it begins to blossom, so too does the rise of patriarchy (coupled with the decline of the mother right) begin. As the male begins to accrue, with the role of community property declining, certainty of offspring is required to ensure that the right person inherits. Or is it? Although this calls for private property rights, the disposal of those rights should be at the discretion of the rights holder - so is it perhaps also about the expectation of inheritance rights? An expectation of property? So much for making your own way in the world, hey? Hmm ... Certainly, my scheme to read Marx & Engels so as to get a greater appreciation/context for some of my latter writers is making more sense now ...

240119 - off to Qld, one final time?

Heading off to Qld again & still I am left wondering why …

• Am expecting a massive dieback on the plants - the tomatoes in particular are not expected to last;
• It will be interesting to see how the bathtub(s) survive; and, 
• Many of the portable plants, e.g. pots & stag horns, have been put into the bath, with water. 

Had wanted to spend five (5) minutes just throwing another bucket of water into the (front) bathtub & water the tomato plants before departure. However, an unexpectedly violent toilet visit took longer than anticipated … Also, delayed washing up until the morning, which was a mixed blessing.
Left in a bit of a rush, but only just made the bus! From there, however, it has been a reasonably smooth run - everything else has been niggling only, e.g. getting to Avalon too early to drop off baggage. But that then gave me an opportunity to use wi-fi to check into accounts. Also dictated testamentary instructions, should the unexpected happen & emailed to Simon.
In other news:

• Possibly because of my desire to consume all the vegetables, I had a rather interesting pizza - used zucchini & daikon on the base, so that they complemented each other. Also made up a rather interesting egg dish, with chilli, mushrooms & corn in it. The end result of all this was incessant toilet visits, however; 
• Consequently, nowhere near enough riding :( Started the week with the goal of just doing a couple of leisurely rides & anticipated that this would then take me to some 12 month highs :) Instead, did two (2) shorter rides, just around town :( Sunday was 65 km, on Greg’s 100 km ride. But, wanted to get back to watch TDU, was quite exhausted after the initial hills & they ended up spending a long time having coffee, which I am never a big fan of; 
• Spread a lot more of my mulch around. Still (quite) a lot more to go, but it is slowly getting distributed. There is quite an exciting mix in the composition of the pile, so I hope that I do not inadvertently give any plants a bad shock! Really is a job that would be best achieved by another barrow & another person, but half the fun (!) is loading, dumping & then spreading it around the plants; 
• Must be said that the TDU this year was quite exciting. Pretty much live coverage by Channel 7, with main commentary by Liggett & McEwan; Meares, O’Grady & Voight also added insights. Main complaint would be that coverage, particularly the beginning of the day, included a lot of FaceTime with the presenters, rather than images of the cycling & them speaking over the top. Also, too many ads & too often … if I didn’t funeral/income protection insurance before it started, they sure tried to enforce that I did during the coverage. Porte won Willunga again, but did not really compete for overall - despite the Ochre jersey winner Bevan having a bad fall on the 2nd last day, so was out of contention & so Impey won. Again - 1st time that has happened back to back in 21 years; 
• Counselling has been quite useless :( the last time, 90% of the time was spent discussing Liz & e.g. her predilection for coffee. Also discussed her interpretation of the USA shutdown as being indicative of the American system squeezing the middle class into non-existence. Tried to explore that with her - classist analysis? really??? I tried to discuss how I had a strong antipathetic reaction to going past the ATO, even just on the tram. But that got acknowledged & was then brushed aside! As this would be the 3rd time/visit that I have tried to introduce and/or discuss my concerns, I am quite put out how to best respond; and, 
• Went up to meet DJ, to go to tennis. His communication skills are quite abhorrent - my understanding was dinner at Nobu, then go with him to tennis, spend the night up in Melbourne & then have a leisurely morning hanging around, doing coffee & breakfast. Not so …

Nobu was an absolute disaster:

• Pre-booked, but when going to pick up tickets, they had no idea how to process them; 
• Then told that we needed to get another ticket (grounds pass) to actually get to the restaurant; 
• Food was dreadful - very little imagination had gone into the menu items; there was very little of it (3 courses); and, it was extremely low value for money - too much money for too little; 
• DJ ordered chicken from waiter, which caused a bit of hilarity, because waiter had written down steak, but we discussed & clarified it. Twice. When it came out, it looked & tasted like shoe leather, rather than a soft & delicate piece of chicken. Which was because the waiter had brought out the steak, not the chicken; and, 
• The positives were that the sashimi was nice & there was an unlimited drinks package - unfortunately, I was not drinking much, however. 

Had a bit of a chat with Tom (Grayling) & it turns out that he does a bit of riding himself. Did not press him too much, but would seem that he is into the racing. We discussed that circuit of going over Ceres & then turning onto Cochranes, which he also approved of - apparently, he then heads across to Hamilton & back in along Shannon, to Belmont. It was particularly noticeable on Sunday that my hill climbing abilities have degraded significantly :( short bursts, at a high(er) cadence were good, but it literally was only for a burst. Similarly, the climb out of Russel’s Bridge I was unable to complete sitting down (!) & had to stand up to pedal for a period. Which is why, at least partially, why I turned for home once we reached Midland Highway …

Oh well, it is a life ;)