getting better!

What has been going on this week:

• Drinks with the girls - well, that was fun! On a spur, managed/arranged to meet at Sabroso, for some wine & nibbles. Pretty much split the bill, at $35 each - not sure if that was ‘good’ value, but it was fun. Wendy entertained us with tales of Singapore - including having a ‘high’ tea, where the matre de offered them unlimited French champagne for an another $20 on top of the standard price! But, as it transpired, this was $20 + the usual amount ($120), but on top of the $120 that they had already paid to ‘enjoy’ the experience! Still, made for a funny story. As it happened, it turned out that Wendy had parked very close to Wine {Domaine}, so we actually ended up walking there together! Then it turned out that Sniff was having their opening party! So walked in, bumped a fist with Dale, waved to Liv & then walked the rest of the way home; 
• Also spent $$$ on pharma, reminding me of how fraught it can be to maintain good health with little money! Also, seems that the chemist has changed ownership? I think that I may have seen Phil walking across the street & made a joke about ‘community leaders’ providing a bad example by jaywalking - but, was so sick (& exhausted by my walk - see below), that I may have been confused; 
• Seems that Dale is getting a new run of Prunier cognac, in about six weeks, so went & ordered three bottles - except, every bottle number that I requested had already been ‘reserved’ by someone else! Strewth!!! This counts as a very strong self-indulgence; 
• Enforced health - took the plunge over the w/e & enforced a regime of sliced garlic & ginger, calcium (powder) & sodium (tablet) ascorbate & amounts of honey, four times a day, in an effort to knock this infection down! Also made a (chilli) spicy version of chilli con carne, on Sunday. Then promptly shared 50% with Greg; 
• Feel that the house is out to kill me! So, initiated a program to wash all the bedclothes - just in case! Started out by washing all the pillow cases & started with the pillows, doing two at a time. Which did not work out that well? What happened was that in doing so, the pillows got very water logged & consequently lost a lot of shape! I think that I managed to straighten out three of them, but one will be forever skewed? Lesson: do not wash the pillow - just go & buy new ones; and, 
• Walking - found this week that I would go for a ‘modest’ walk, i.e. to get the 10000 steps in & then collapse when I got home! Also, usually meant that the next day was wiped out - why do I bother, hey??? 

Note to self: when using cloudy ammonia (and/or in combination with bleach or vinegar), be aware that it burns! Also, watch out for the affect(s) on the lungs!

What else?

There were questions:

1. Should I go, or should I stay? 
2. What have I done right? 
3. If Q1= B, dog? 
4. SMSF, invest in Cairns property? 

But answers, there were none!

That being said, particularly with relation to Q2, assessment will follow & answers subsequently given.

It is an interesting exercise, going away to think, to draw inspiration & to draw conclusions - especially when you come back more confused than before you left! However, one thing that may (will?) follow is that it is (could be?) the low point before the upswing to a new reality, a new stage in life - I really am wondering what will come, what new adventures await me … Is that being too greedy, or is it time for ‘enough about you, what about me?’ to come to the forefront? Certainly, I do feel that my time in ‘public service’ is drawing to a close - or, is thqt I am really looking for what would best serve the public best?

In some ways, that may well be to lead by example … here ‘self doubt’ is not warranted …

On a #mindfulness note, have discovered that having a pork roll, with crackling & a sore gum, makes you very mindful about your chewing!

'Mistakes were made'

Pretty much sums up the entire trip! That & ‘the kids are alright’? Nobody seemed especially pleased to see me. Many made space for me in their otherwise exciting & dramatic lives. But nobody really got what I was there for & how they fitted into it all.

Oh, there were moments of lucidity, but there has been too much history, under the bridge, to go back to what was. Maybe.  Pity - many of them seemed to be people worth keeping in touch with. Which is why I did. Without them, I inhabit an emptiness, an absence of otherness & this does not generate scope for alterity. Which might be an impetus for getting out more, to go meet people & engage with their individualities?

A question was asked about why I do not stay in touch more, why those strong bonds were broken, to which I replied ‘mistakes were made’. Ambiguous & yet so apt. I do have an extremely rigid ethical standard - which is particular to me. But, I have noticed that too many people take advantage of its immutability, but then wonder at the severity of the response to that abuse. ‘Do unto others as you would have them do to you’ & ‘nobody is left behind’ seem apt, in this sense.

Also, has left me wondering about this ‘normalcy’ thing … I am so tired, dull & discouraged …

Family was a mother violently fading into forgetfulness, a brother deviously weaving ties of manipulation/exploitation & a sister who can’t (or won’t?) live within means.

Got quite ill before leaving GC & has not really got any better being back here - is the house trying to kill me???