Pretty much sums up the entire trip! That & ‘the kids are alright’? Nobody seemed especially pleased to see me. Many made space for me in their otherwise exciting & dramatic lives. But nobody really got what I was there for & how they fitted into it all.
Oh, there were moments of lucidity, but there has been too much history, under the bridge, to go back to what was. Maybe. Pity - many of them seemed to be people worth keeping in touch with. Which is why I did. Without them, I inhabit an emptiness, an absence of otherness & this does not generate scope for alterity. Which might be an impetus for getting out more, to go meet people & engage with their individualities?
A question was asked about why I do not stay in touch more, why those strong bonds were broken, to which I replied ‘mistakes were made’. Ambiguous & yet so apt. I do have an extremely rigid ethical standard - which is particular to me. But, I have noticed that too many people take advantage of its immutability, but then wonder at the severity of the response to that abuse. ‘Do unto others as you would have them do to you’ & ‘nobody is left behind’ seem apt, in this sense.
Also, has left me wondering about this ‘normalcy’ thing … I am so tired, dull & discouraged …
Family was a mother violently fading into forgetfulness, a brother deviously weaving ties of manipulation/exploitation & a sister who can’t (or won’t?) live within means.
Got quite ill before leaving GC & has not really got any better being back here - is the house trying to kill me???
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