to start

sorry, this comes before the previous post ...

There was a need for a friend. Someone to listen, gently prod, to encourage the mixedness to be exposed to the air, to be examined and unkinked. But alas, this was not to be. All had their own reasons or reasonings, but were the obvious interpretations shared by each active viewer? Someone to listen to the angst and turmoil, to offer opinion as to courses of action. But that was not to be ... so lost we remain, uncertain. But from uncertainty comes ignorance. Everyone who does respond says to ignore, forget, leave well alone, move on/away. Even her. Such self loathing, hatred, lack of value ... but who am I to say otherwise, apparently ...
Have discovered my little circuit - down Vulture, along river, over to city, along river path through Toowong to UQ, over bridge, then climb up Hardgrave Road, before dropping down along back down to the river, then along spinning to Jane Street, before coming back up around the school and home. This morning was (loosely) 48 mins :) but will actually sit down with computer instructions to see if can get more precise info for comparative purposes for future reference ... Then down to UG for espresso as treat ... So the day begins!

Interestingly, a call came out of the ether, saying what are you up to today? Nothing, you? Nothing. So to meet for tea we go. Except that it is not acceptable, so off to a Japanese restaurant we go. Where I end up paying for lunch ($60) :O without consultation ... *sigh*
Long and the short is that she is shitty at me, wants to be firmly in control, and feels is the sinned against, rather than a complicent sinner ... Interesting how am accused of not listening, yet what am told is quite contradictory - 'Want nothing to do with you, but this (having luch together) is nice' ... wonder if that means that I got value for money here? Did get to play with Cam for 90-odd minutes ... After having spent the afternoon 'together', was dropped off near home, where I realised that there was so many other things that had been left undone, such as getting kero to clean bike, so grabbed remaining cash, and headed off to Coles. Where I ran into them again in the queue. Interestingly, Ray had all these MREs to put it politely ... and was suitably embarrassed. Although whether by what was in the basket, or being seen in public together, remains to be seen ...
Clearly there is a lot of pain and resentment, which is utilised in preparing rationales for actions, but am unsure of how quite to soothe such having told her that am sick of fighting with her and/or seeing her as 'problem' needing resolution ... *sigh*
Am I to seek forgiveness? What is the final outcome desired here? Having someone to play with would be good, someone to hold and cherish, someone to share more adventures ... so guess I had better get on the path to adventures then ... And so another day begins afresh ...