Onwards ...

Hmm, seems that Silver Rocket is responding rather slowly of late ... maybe I need to run the Virus s/ware to check for gremlins?
Anyway, a rather interesting night, although I did get rather drunk :o Had arranged to meet AnnE at the Rumpus Room for a beer + chat, and then next thing I know, young Sam is invited in, before Brett wombled in, so we had a little party going amongst ourselves, just o/s - largely because they are all smokers ...
Then off to join the boys at Inspire for Trivia, and Sapparo beers - interestingly both have spare rooms, I need somewhere to live, neither was interested-where the team lost big time :( Although, the picture that they were aiming for, hoping to dump on me, was not one that I was looking forward to?
Anyway, afterwards they were keen to grab a curry, so I jumped a bus, which turned out to be driven by young Chris, over to New Farm, where I stopped at Alibi for a 151 nightcap ... The place was certainly happening, in a relaxed sort of way, but I am surprised I got home safely ... even if it was all downhill ...
Woke up extremely seedy this morning :o so it was a slow process getting there this morning - probably best that it was a late beginning? My goal today was to bring joy + understanding to all the lives that intersected with me today ... So had a few laughs today, to be sure :)
The song 'Hunting for witches' (Bloc Party) is playing in my ears (on the bus) and is causing rather unseemly distortions in the left earbud ... :o
There could be something to be said for playing with Silver Rocket on the bus, I tell you! Although, what JimE does, playing movies, listening to music, may not be as appropriate, given the relatively short bursts of travel involved? But there is always something to be done - could be an opportunity to do some of the 'reading' that I keep promising myself that I will do ... One day. Always one day ... Certainly games may not be an option, especially given their lag time with starting/pausing, anyway ... But, we shall see, we shall see ...
Keep reminding myself that I do not need/want to stop at Japanese for sushi, as I have remanents of flake in green curry at home ... Although, maybe, just maybe I could splash out tonight, as I DO need to pick up some bread, etc. Anyway, shall see what happens, shall see ... Does irk me that it is sometimes hard to venture there, and then be turned away because they do not have what I want ... Maybe I am the one that needs to change? :o Now there is a concept ...
The concept of an online presence, of being interconnected, has been echoing through my head, making me wonder about the split emails, the personal/public/business/professional/private perception, or personna, more likely ...
Hmm ...

Another day begins, and I need to think of a driving motivation for this day ... Or do I? Surely the impetus to do good is enough? Or would that depend on how 'good' is to be defined? Ah, the joys of relativism, hey?
Having had my morning coffees - two (2) in fact - I am buzzing like a lightyear :o but what I wanted to say was that there was a noticeable difference between the efforts of the boy (sharp, bitter, bit burnt) and girl (bitter to point of sweetness) ... Certainly is a kind of nice place to hang out at ... maybe this is the bars/pubs of the new era? An avenue for enjoyment of socially acceptable drug intake, or participation?
Hmm, there is something to be said for this late starts, although the last few days all I have done is sit around ... although, I did wash up, pack up some of a box, and tidy up personal papers, so was not all wasted ... Also realised that such a morning could be well utilised for going riding around the river - out via Riverside, around St. Lucia, back into W/E, home via K/P ... Now just have to do it, hey? WWonder if I allowed 2 hours that would be enough? Just have to try it, and see, hey???
WOW!!! Suddenly little Sue got on the bus - that was so cute!!! Am sitting up the back, saw her go past the window, get on, so I sat up and started clicking my fingers at her ... fortunately she got the joke :) Sat down and started chatting, poor duck is still quite ill, coughing away ...
Anyway, off to the South, listening to 'Gaskrankenstation' by Headless Chickens, does life get better then this? Of course it does! And worse then this! And all the points in between ... c'est la vie,as Moz would say ...
This job with BCC may be way to go - 14% Super, supporting the town you live in, public service ... Of course, it may help if I actually applied for, and got, the bloody job 1st, hey?
Hoped this stupid Mother of mine gets a move on and resolves the estate!!! At least then I will be able to make reppoachment efforts in good conscience ... Might give her until 30/09 before providing a gentle nudge, as it were?
In the mean time, AIR goes up, and I am in process of establishing a trading account ... But a bit worried about the CMA that they meep referring to, but have not actually seen any info on ... Plus I think I might change the linked bank account to the Westpac account, especially seeing as there is rarely much money in it, and hence less risk ..
Well, almost there again - just coming up to the Griffith Uni (MG) stop, so will save and wander on ...

Hey 3B :) a personal note for you!!! In my dreams, skating across all of this/us I have come to realise that you and I reflect much of self, which is possibly why we confuse ourselves/others so much? Please hang in here with me ... you are a significantly important person, I am trying to be your friend, but ( and this is only a 'but' in the sense of recognition, not a controlling or qualitative condition) I am unable to do no more for you than I can do - can't make you like you or me beyond what I can do. So I try. Can only do what I can do ... Please, please say 'yeah' ...

Meandering the web today I have a rich source of quotes :) Amazes me how I find inspiration in the words of others, as if to be reminded of the beauty that others see, directions that they point out to observe/inspire? 'The improver of natural knowledge absolutely refuses to acknowledge authority, as such. For him, scepticism is the highest of duties; blind faith the one unpardonable sin ... The man of science has learned to believe in justification, not by faith, but by verification' - Huxley
Of course I will probably get massacred, but maybe there will be something there that will appeal to someone else?
Also got in trouble from a weedy little ingrate today-spend all this time trying to help, advise, rectify, and then get roused on for not being paitent with his petulance? Whatever ... do have other things to be doing ... nails? hair? whatever ...
Naturally this happened as the coffee seeped through my system must have echoed in situ? Because earlier a woman was almost in tears in gratitude for what I did for her, resolving her situation, settling her ruffled feathers, calming the stormy teacup ...
Welcome to Friday :) day begins afresh, the w/e beckons, and all I worry about is fitting it all together - rough life, hey?

It's such fun

Gawd, what an ending to the week!!!
Did not sleep particularly well :( Maybe it was the pernod? Maybe not? But at least it was not as chaotic as the dichotomy of waking up Thursday morning after dreaming of 3B all 'Mr. Happy', then waking up Friday morning, after dreaming of 3B again, with a wet pillow ... But was awake by 3AM, after crawling into bed at 11PM, and the ABC still would not work on the television, so could not even watch RAGE!!!
So pottered about, finished off the Akira book I had, and remembered bits from the movie, sipping on my Grey Goose + sparkling mineral water + lime, waiting for the sun to rise. Did not really feel like eating, so just had some toast + goop, packed my little bag, before heading out to see JimE, he being the b/day boi ...
Tried something different, went through Tenneriffe, past Breakfast Creek Hotel, turned left, and went along Sandgate Road from the beginning, which was a lot of fun! Along way saw a bloke on a BMC SLR-01, so pulled over and chatted until the lights changed, which freaked out his companions. But hey, why ride a bike if you are not prepared to be proud of what you ride? Got rained on quite a bit, which made the ride a little cold, as it was also windy. But what fun it was, such fun ...
JimE had barely gotten up, was still having his morning coffee-in fact I think he had only just finished it by the time I had smashed down 2 beers? Played with Hunter and looked at his new toy, which was a very interesting combination of a digger/dumper/loader combo ... Anyway, he and his Dad were pleased with it ...
Then back on bike to look at the room at Shane's and to talk about moving in, which seems a fair proposal? Nice area, not too far from shops, etc. Then went 'exploring' on the bikepath for how to get to West End ... which is a roundabout way of saying I got lost, or maybe that there was no conceivable bikeway access there? In either case, ended up jumping on to Kelvin Grove Road, and just sprinting (think that is the part where my speedo recorded a 45+kph bit?) my little heart out, dodging through traffic, jumping across lanes - so thanks to all the drivers that made an effort to help me out ... ;)
On other side, sent text to heaps of people saying that I was nearly there, to text me if/when they got there, and all but 2 actually responded!!! Of those 2, 1 rarely responds to me anyway, and the other was many miles away, had mentioned in passing, so I included merely to indicate that as a friend, was sharing the joy ... and what a joyous day it was!!!!
The West End Festival was nowhere near the rambuctious/chaotic fusion of the Boundary Street Festival of old :( But, most important of all, it was what it was, lots and lots of fun-although the one thing I was interested in at the Boundary Hotel I shyed away from due to the noise of Blind Dog ... but entertainment abounded in many other forms.
Was to meet Little Stevie at Lock n Load, sat o/s for a bit watching entertainment, feeling the weight of my exhaustion bearing down, thought that it would be just my luck that he would turn up as I sat o/s waiting, so I best do something about it. So I looked up, and at that very moment, the table next to the window emptied :o So I rushed in and snaffled it ... Bought a jug of beer, sent him a text saying 'shall I pour you a glass?' and Jenny walked past :o Then came in and joined me ...
From there it was all on, people, entertainment, laughter, stories, beer, entertainment, people ... Wow, am really kind of glad that I walked away from all of that at about 5, though. Got back onto bike and pedalled home through the cloudy, darkened dusk, bouncing across the Queen Victoria Bridge, then down Adelaide Street, which seemed to have been closed off, as traffic was extremely limited down there ... Anyway, rode hard so as to burn off some of my nervous energy and the carbs from all of that beer ;)
Got home, thought to unwind would eat lots of toast, pan fry the Rainbow Trout, which had been mellowing under a saffron infusion since last night, finish off the Grey Goose + ginger beer, check online presence, and found a rather confusing email from 3B :( especially so as I am unsure of what she is referring to (could it of been the letter to myself?) but as she did not respond to phone, and texted back 'Busy eating with my son' I guess I have to wait to find out? Although I suspect she has completely misunderstood something, I wonder if she will ever apologise, or acknowledge error? Pity, because I do consider her a most wonderful person (but do fear that this may not be acknowledged enough! grr) who, I thought, was part of a mutual likability, so was really keen to try out a 'friendship' with her, especially now that it had been pointed out what a 'no relationship' statement means ... As I have said previously, finding her was hard enough, but hanging onto her, keeping her interested enough to hang there is the real challenge ...
So, we shall see, we shall see ... But I do really, really hope/pray that I am not just consigned to the scrapeheap of the past ...
Anyway, the week has begun again, as they do ;) The only thing that will make this week bigger + better is going to be how +ve I am thinking/feeling, so let us do this thing called life ... :o

Penny dropping/dreadful(ly)

What a week, yet a week no different from others, I guess?
Coffee at Ugees, and this time they remembered me, so I was not left sitting out the front for too long ...
Went to markets, bought avocadoes and bread - still crazily busy down there, though ...
Had several early starts at work, so rode in Weds/Thurs - was going to ride also on Tues, but piked out ...
Went to movies on Tuesday night, and saw 'The disappearance of Alice Creed'
Rang 3B for a chat, she says will pick me up on bike, to come down Friday night ...
But didn't ...
...
Saturday arvo was started with this from CassE:

"Just for you ...
Hurt you? They can't
Try to? I dare them
Love you? I do
Be you? They wish
Envy you? They should
Defend you? I would"

Then I finished off my bottle of Pernod, and sorted out my belongings. An immediate reaction was that I have a lot of lanyards :o so must think of someway in which to utilise them, I suppose? Also found a supply of condoms, but their expiry date was over a year ago ... which just goes to show how long it has been since I had sex ... In fact, I am surprised I even remember what is supposed to happen, or go where ...
Also have an awful lot of 'journals' started, but never completed ... So have a huge number of books with some scribbling in! Wonder what I am to do about such things???
Oh yeah, found 'The complete idiot's guide to understanding ethics' at the local library, and whilst it is interesting to be reminded of half forgotten theories and considerations, maybe because it is written by Americans (or maybe they are just stupid), there is a consistent blurring of ethics with morality, as if the terms were interchangible, which, of course, they are not, and there is a persistent irritating negation of the language used as being extremely relative, as if they are to be excluded from such considerations. One particular example is that they highlight the example of Robin Hood in discussing 'virtue' and yet are unable to acknowledge the relativity of judgement!!! grr ...
Which reminds me-Gibson has a new book out, as does Seymour ... wonder if the new Hamilton is out yet???
Popped over to see JacJac and caught up on her news ... Hopefully I listened enough? Anyway, what she said about Mia Farrow - 'People use other people! Get used to it!' - resonated, and I now have a better understanding of what 'No relationship, just friendship' signifies ...
Hmm, have been struggling a bit with that ...
Anyway, hopefully we will survive???

Spare tit@christening

"You old sad and lonely self aggranising arrogant cunt!
What makes you think that anyone really cares about what you say, about those 'cute' little quotes you come out with?
The way that you live your life, away from all reponsibility and interaction, is it any wonder that nobody stays with you for very long?
That way that you push people away, making them jump through ever increasingly tighter hoops, to prove their 'love' for you.
The air of desperation about you is like a perfume that is designed to attract other sad and lonely losers like you is it?
Do you think that the 'tragedies' of your life make you special, give you the 'right' to behave so irresponsibly?
And you then wonder why nobody wants to be with you?
Instead of worrying about what value people bring to your miserable existence, why not focus upon the reality of questioning what value you bring to theirs!
Do you really think that just because you are so precious and wonderful everyone else will just fall at your feet, worshipping the very air that you breathe?
And then if for some bizarre reason they don't there must be something wrong with them? Right?
What chance does someone else have in your tight little enclosed world when you can't let go of your cycle of depression and self doubt?
Are you really so filled with self pity that you can't accept the positive noises that somebody else makes about you??
The intensity that you pour into not getting your way could be better spent focussing on working together.
What chance does somebody else have with you when you do not even rate your own chance, or value yourself, particularly highly?
Is it that you have set yourself such a low standard that when somebody exceeds those expectations you are unable to respond?
Is it because you are not in control, that your limits are breached, that you do not know what to do, or how to act?
Are you so bereft of social skills that you are unable to act accordingly once your repotoire is emptied?
There are other ways of acting, you know, just because you have never tried them ...
If you keep telling people how bad and worthless you are, not accepting their admonishments as to your value, then is it any wonder that they eventually give up, accept what you are saying?
If you do not believe in yourself, your value to others, why should they?
It is easy enough to blame others for not recognising how wonderful you are, but what if you are not really?
Just because you are unable to accept conclusions and closure!
Maybe you need to try finishing something you started, instead of shying away from the pain of exposure?
Were you act with integrity, or 'morally', in a social situation, would your life be so much worse?
Why do you drink so much? Some drink to forget, some to remember what they have forgotten, but what about you?
There is an emptiness about you, a void that you want somebody else to fill, a brokenness about you that somebody else is to repair? But why would/should they?
Are you so happy to wallow in your misery that you would forsake the soothing of another?
Have you so given up on the world that repitition bores you?
Are you so unable to enjoy the pleasure of another?
Why do you need to find value in the judgement of another, yet are so devastated at their judgement finding you wanting?
Especially when you give them no other option to choose.
Why are you so happy to take the space that is available to you, yet are so reluctant to allow your own to be 'invaded' - which is how you think of it!
If there was a reward in heaven for self centredness would Peter still be standing by the doorway to greet you?
Is this sense of self destruction because you hate your self so much? Or just a recognition of the detrimental effect you have on others around you?
What is this language that you speak of 'how to live'? Is it deliberately obtuse, or do you just genuinely have no real idea?
You are so like flotsam in the stream of life, waiting for something else to sweep you away, so unable to hold onto what is near and dear.
Smile, be happy, on the inside, and stop pretending that all is good when it is not. A friend recognises that you are not smiling on the inside when you are smiling on the outside!"
Having made those pronouncements, the room then proceeded to empty ...

Yeah, no, got nothing

An odd week, with many mixed messages ... You cannot rely on me, do not trust me, I am fallible, but I will use the pics of you shot of me for my public profile ... My paranoia says that I am merely a 'notch in the belt' which is probably why I let realism ru(l)e the day ... Interestingly, we talk at such cross purposes and meanings - I do not want to have a relationship with you, but I do want to fuck you, be with you. Just sometimes, though. But isn't that what I am trying to engender? Is it? Oh ... But, enough ...
Riding out to Toowong to look at a house, will be old, crappy (bit like how I feel when down), and I will in all probablity not follow through with taking it, but I liked the sound of the agent, so have come for a look ... But the fucking sheer joy of riding - OMFG!!! Bad thought, but who needs relationship(s) when there is such a joy in riding? The sensations of muscle strain, wind in hair, sweat percolating through t-shirt (yeah, no guensey, as I felt best not to turn up to house too 'sporty'), tightness of lungs, the rush of spinning at 100+ rpm ... Got overtaken by girl on New Farm pontoons, and although I could not keep up, I was not losing too much ... but the way she spun was almost fluid in motion symbolism! Of course, she did need to tuck her arms in considerably, and practice spinning through corners, to make them tighter, but even noticing such a thing, rationalising/considering it is joyful!!!
Bought some saffron, will do rissotto tonight, settle in, get sozzled, then watch RAGE tonight methinks? Will totally destroy tomorrow, but shall see ...
Hmm, got a bit lost finding the place :o and then discovered I had left the bit of paper at home (I hope) with the address, and the contact number of the agent ... Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear ... Could be a message in there though about my expectations for tomorrow? Sitting outside State Library, overlooking the river/walkway, watching all these cyclists go by, listening to 'Nursery rhyme' by UNKLE - fuck I love this song!!! Felt really, really bad/ashamed about taking the iPod back, but listening to this, after so long ameliates the pain, somewhat ...
Simultaneously a bloke goes past on a paddle board, and a girl cycles past without a helmet ...
Anyway, best continue onwards - have decided to take the other side of the riverpath back, go over the Storey Bridge ... all for a bit of fun, hey?
Sunday, I set off to see the other rental place, and it does seem really, really nice ... However, the chappy that was there did have a lot of 'applications' so I am quite trepitious about the reality of my my chances there :( But it was a really nice place - 1 bedroom, small bathroom, gas stove, great lounge/dining area, so we shall see, we shall see ...
Anyway, riding back along the Riverside bikepath, thinking about how I needed to change the ways that I think about things-create your own reality-about how wonderful 3B is, and there was this $20 note blowing across the path :o So stopped at the Bowls club for a beer, having some Tooheys Extra Dry, going to have an antipasto platter ...
Must say, they do seem to do decent size plates here ... Dash-people next to river have 'demanded' that the 'blind' be lowered, so my view over the river has become extremely diminished, reduced, blurred ... Riding past I saw all these empty tables, thought it would not be too packed/bad here, but turns out they were 'reserved' for people yet to arrive ... Turns out that there is also a BBQ option here as well :o but it does need to be pre-booked ... This is an odd place in some ways, and the people here do tend to be a little bit peculiar? Although, there is a chappy who just wandered by, showing the precision only evident in the excessively drunk ... And since that last comment, he has appeared another 2 times, each time the walk a little more controlled and 'precise', but each time he has gotten more drinks ...
Really need to trim hair-there is a reflection that appears in the screen, backlit as I am, which illuminates just how scaggly I appear (to others?) and it makes me concerned about my personal image ...
Hmm, just realised that my consideration of only drinking Friday/Saturday night has just fallen in a screaming heap ... Maybe I am (becoming) an alcoholic? :o Which maybe why I have such an ambivalence towards the 'straight edge' mentality?
Nope, time to go, time to go ... Run away, run away ...
So, a day later, and how much difference speaking with a single voice makes, I don't know ... Yet, I go on and try to do it, put into place what needs to be done, go through the motions of existential reality, lived or otherwise ...
Maybe this is what is meant by emphasising the journey, not the ending? For I do prefer that things be in place before bouncing off for other adventures?

Killing in the name of ...

Sunday arvo was Rumpus Room, listening to some of the new tracks that 4zzz is grooving to (esp. enjoyed 'The cape' by Martha Tilson), and so I kicked back with Mercury Draught, enjoyed the sounds. Then went to George's for some Sunday arvo chips to enjoy, which was really nice, but I am glad that I am not doing that regularly. They had grey Sashimi in there ...
The week was fantastic, with a smile in the voice, and people responding to it by being paitent whilst I handled/resolved their enquiries. In fact, by the end of the week, I was actually feeling that I could actually understand, if not fully answer, PAYG enquiries! Which helped ... The most amusing clients are those that feel that the PAYGI system is necessarily draconian, as opposed to the ATO propaganda that portrays the system as one which is designed to assist the taxpayer ... Interesting how interpretation is so variable in such matters ...
Finally the ATO ITR refund landed :o and I promptly spent it on things, like reducing credit card debt, but I did spend some on my friends, although all were strangely reluctant to take it! Tried to encourage JimE to try a different drink, and he got cranky at me, so bought him an iTunes voucher instead! Anyway, also bought him a USB stik to put movies, etc. on so as to allow easier transfer of data, and put the files of Hunter playing with my camera - almost 'I shot myself' maybe? lol
Well, there was RiverFire-lots of loud noises, bright lights, people, and amazing entertainment. Am sure that it was the company that made it? Drink some Tarrango, a rather nice Beaujolais, but the highlight was a rather nice Pinot Noir, from the Bellarine, no less. So many people, slipped off bike, broke the rear derailleur, which meant that the rear wheel kept slipping out, and then I made her ride home, freewheeling down the hill. Imagine if the wheel had slipped out then?

Pt 2 of 'Fucking amazing; Amazing fucking'

So, that week was about spinning, keeping up the revs on the bike, not so much concentrating on the distance, as it seems that I am able to get back into that ... Bit concerned at the moment that I am not doing it enough ... But, what am I really to do? Must continue to recognise that I am recovering from the fractured clavicle, and just pace myself ... However, at the back of my mind is the recognition that there are other waves/tsunamis approaching, and that I must be prepared for them.
Fist stop is GC100, but then? Plan for the future? Laos in '11? Burning Man in '12? Grafton-Inverell? Melbourne-Warnoobool? (actually, that is spelt wrong ...) These are big considerations, require much preparation, changes to ways of life ... and then there is this 'relationship' thing that is a part of all of these plans ... OMFG, she is wonderful ... Of course, part of all of this is the requirement to concentrate on other things, like jobs, roof, food ... All very well understanding that they will take care of themselves, but I am suspecting that a little effort will be repaid in spades, as the saying goes ...
Anyway, fuck it ... Life, hey? ATO refund arrived, but took it's bloody time, I tell you - Centrelink apparently got their money nearly four (4) weeks ago ... Was such a spin out of a day-She sends me a text which I 'misread' as containing 50 kisses, ATO $ at bank, customers respond +ve to overtures-even the ones that I have NO idea what I am doing, home to a night of no contact, and instead spend nearly three (3) hours chatting, laughing, flirting, having fun ... and she says her life is great? Such fun, as Laughner says ...
The most fun thing is that she says (or sends me) things that resonate with me, make me think about things, so maybe there is something to this notion of mirroring, where u look for +ve, be +ve and you will see/be +ve ... Maybe
We had a team meeting yesterday, and Chris was particularly noticeable by his absence, late arrival, and then I overheard him describing it in the most -ve terms, as an onerous duty, to be suffered through, at best ... So sad, yet so true of him that he has this facade of glitter and gloam, which is so offset by his virtual gloom, or sadness ... Might have to try talking to him again ... Although I do wonder WHY!!! Bloody M, and her inspiring example - grr!!! Did I mention that she is wonderful?
Anyway, this is why the world is a better place, through the efforts of others (+ me) striving to help others, in every way, every day, ole!!!
Yeah, as Gough, would say, it is time. Time to finish. Time to move on. Time to let go. Time to embrace the wonderfulness ...

p.s. have always wondered about taking laptop on bus, keep typing, carry on like I just don't care, so let's do it ... ;)
So, here we are, light beaming in through windows, which I must confess is 1 particular concern I have about 'Silver Rocket' but fuck it - all about balance! Can see why certain ppl (e.g. JimE) are quite enraptured with the idea of netbooks and their portability, such as when travelling. Looking around I can see ppl playing with their iPhones - saw a bloke yesterday playing poker, in fact - but for me, such devices are too passive. What I wanted was something like the iPad, but more interactive, more capable of interacting through word and text, to be able to add your own comments, such as these. To be able to process information more clearly, to be able to run other programs, create my own realities, which is why I am kind of looking forward to the ePad ... Pity really, I would like to have another Apple, but must be pragmatic about the realities of commercial constraints, take the $ to where they are best utilised ... So we shall see, we shall see ... But the new Nano looks divine But does it fit in with the commercial requirements of my future? Pity I can no longer elicit Xmas gifts from family :( lol
Wow, this IS kind of cool, typing away on keyboard, whilst travelling/commuting along on bus ... says he as bus turns corner, leading to sun to shine directly onto screen, and all text to disappear ... Also shows how dirty/dusty it is all becoming ... grr ... Wonder if what Deno said about ppl not really appreciating you going OTT cleaning there place could be true enough, or just an excuse for me to give up? Certainly do feel that I have done enough around the place to justify giving up - see earlier comments ... So maybe best attitude will be just to maintain the clean spaces, not go OTT on the rest? We shall see, we shall see ...
Actually, I may get off next stop, look at USB stix for JimE ...
Gawd, what is going on??? Just went to bank to get some more $ and took the full $250.00 in $5 notes ... My only response to the question of why was to respond that it made me feel rich ... Which it does, but originally had did that so that my $50/week spending money would feel like it was lasting longer, and I don't need to do that so much these days ... Ah, fuck it ... Was SO funny in BOQ branch-odd interactions between customers and tellers, to watch the passive-aggressive posturings of customers, that I walked out thinking how good is my life! All this and so, so much more is mine, life lies before, awaiting for me (finally) to pay attention, to do what needs to be done? To play the game, sow the fields, reap the rewards, to enjoy the benefits of living, loving, to enjoy and be enjoyed ...
What a weirdo I am ... cute, but weird is possibly more apt, hey?
What say this day is about the opportunity to help others, to engage with others, and make my life better by making their's better?
Or is that too self serving???

Now comes the next challenge - seeing if I can upload this whilst on the bus ... ;)

Fucking amazing; Amazing fucking!!! Pt 1

Grr ... Feel like I have been set a task by my harsh School mistress, not that there were any mistresses at School, but you get what I mean ;) Yes, little M, my 3B (Big/Buxom Biker Babe/Bitch), is very fantastical, and I sometimes wonder/fear whether she will pop out of my life as quickly/easily as she has popped in :o In some ways, this is why I 'hate' Marcus so much-not only did he introduce me to WIFM (What's In It Form Me?), but having told me about putting out his specs to the universe, he got his wife/child/family. I tried it, and 'got' 3B-femme, tall, older, smart, shy, vulnerable, sharing, intimate, and caring. But maybe that was the 'easy' bit? Now the difficult bit will be hanging on to her, putting the effort into longevity, making the effort to fulfil her needs/wants! But such fun, as Laughner said, such fun, and so much worth such efforts!!! Anyway, went down to see her Saturday, having been warned away from making it too early, I was in fact running a little late, but it all worked out in the end-literally got to end of train platform, and the train pulled in! Anyway, got off at Varsity Lakes, got lost and then saw sign for Pacific Highway, which was where I wanted to be, so turned down that road, only to find 4k later a small innocuous sign saying 'No bicycles' (was the Motorway), so had to turn around and pedal back ... Anyway, was so much fun being out on the open road scooting along, nice wide shoulders, nice breeze, but can see that some more investigation needs to be done? Anyway, finally got there, and away it all went-rode to Fingal for lunch/wine/chat, and bloody Dennis rings to invite to a party at Ildi's, which I had to regretfully decline, being some 150k South, with some fantastical creature, having far more fun! Anyway, it was so, so good being with somebody who would interact and engage with estions - "What do you want to do?" "Really? Me too" - then work together to make it a pleasure to be with! We bought seafood on way back (prawns, crab, and oysters) to share on verandah with a nice wine; went swimming in ocean (which was so still and easy), made mushroom ragout, drank wine, and talked. Such tenuous touching, feeling arousal, going to bed, and feeling the nakedness of skin, that my mind still echoes with memories of sensations! Funny in a way how soon both lost the intimidation/admonishment of 'No sex' when together, an attitude of 'Yeah, no' prevailing, because it was so, so much fun! Although I tried to maintain respect for her saying no, for the pain from my ribs, it was just so, so good a feeling ... Amazing fucking, OMFG!!! And that was only the 1st night ... Of course, other shit happened that week - Apple has announced that they are bringing out a new series of iPods, and the Nano will be so small, albeit still 8/16G in capacity. Put some more photos up on FaceBook, of the day when fog smothered Brisbane, especially the City. Rode out to JimEz the weekend before, and got this wonderful series of Hunter just looking into the camera lens, which I really must get to JimE to enjoy, as he likes those things. So I guess I had better go and buy some USB/flash drive(s) to share? Managed to also get some rides into work this week-nowhere near where it needs to be, of course, but it is almost as if the quality is enhanced by the drawback in quantity? Times naturally have improved, and having the cycle computer is a wonderful addition :) Who says it sucks to be me? Anyway, maybe I should make this Part 1???