Shagged, absolutely shagged ...

WOW!!! That was quite literally a month ago ... What is with these monthly updates??? Around the time of meeting/enjoying Moz, thiese updates were virtually weekly, but now? Although I could claim work pressures, that seems a bit odd, especially given that I was working then, and I have had off since 24/12 ...
Anyway, since then:

• Received iPod cable from Moz, along with a 'brief' post-it note claiming work pressures, so sent back a note extending best wishes, and season's greetings;
• Discovered that everyone was very keen to move out of KG - to the point of 1 night Shane says 'looking at places', 2 nights later he says 'moving this w/e' ... None of the places I was looking at worked out :( but then AnnE texted me to say that the neighbour was moving on, did I want to take over lease? Had another possibility at South Brisbane, so rang them to see what the go was, but they refused to commit until I had looked at the place, so I rang Drakos, who said to submit an application as a formality, but go for your life! So got Trent to help me move everything across over the w/e, started setting up. Except got a call on Monday from Drakos to say bad reference from MetroCity, so not happy! Inherent in voice was 'So, can you move out tonight?' but used my skills and training to work around that ... Next step is now to ensure that I can stay there, as AnnE/Brettski and Sev like me being here;
• Been trying to get a Bike 2 sensor from Sigma through LifeCycle, but they are extremely lazy about the whole ordeal, so might have to venture elsewhere to finalise that, as I still do not have the cadence attachment! But, it is fun riding and recording results :) mapping how things change, even just in terms of distance, time, avg speed;
• Turns out BQ charged me twice for membership :o but they were so nice about fixing up the mistake, so I am extremely gratified;
• J/Z rang me up to say that 'Toxic Garden Gnomes' were playing at Step Inn, and that she had not had a drink in 15 months, but wanted to go out, have some fun! Thinking that this may be a night to just keep an eye on how things unwound, make sure she did not go OTT, I had a couple of beers before she was due. Except she turned up with a rather nice bottle of wine, and when I mentioned that I had no fridge, so it would not remain chilled whilst we were out, she just smiled at me in a rather odd way ... Drank that bottle ... Went out, and drank G&Ts ... Came home, drank another bottle of wine ... Then shagged my brains out :o As I said, I am glad that she does not drink very often;
• The other reason that I had a few beers previously was that I was psyching myself up to call Ray, see if I could arrange to see Cam, amicably, peacefully. Except that she called me up, to ask if she and Cam could come visit me the next afternoon ... Which was really a lot of fun ... So, talked a lot. Very confused and confusing ... Went for dinner at Tukka, which was fun and interesting ... Took her and Cam out for pho for Cam's b/day ... Had sex ... Went to movie - 'Gulliver's travels' at Southbank ... Talked/explored ... Confused and confusing;
• Got disbursement from estate of Father - As long as it is fair and equitable, we will move onwards. Except not fair, and requires an extremely perverted perception to be able to see as 'equitable' ... Mother gets the house, all chattels, including the 4WD (which she does not drive, having a car of her own, and Suze is busy using the 4WD, anyway), the 1st $100000, and a 1/3 of the remaining, with the rest to be divided amongst the others :o At first I thought it was quite unfair, and that I should investigate the law of succession in Qld ... But then I thought that they are adults, and need to take responsibility for their actions, so ... whatever. Anyway, promptly put a chunk into 6mth term deposit with BoQ, whilst I work out what is happening, paid some onto cards, and allocated some to 'frittering' - was thinking I may get a linen suit made up at the local - and also am keen to start QPT fund;
• Over the Xmas break, have seen Mere, went to Ikea for some supplies (e.g. kitchen bench), and bought some prezzies (e.g. Shuffle for JimE, Japanese bell for Ray); and,
• Most importantly, though, I have been riding! Set myself a goal for 500k over the 10 days off, and started well, with a ride on Xmas day. But then the next few days were really wet, and I had overstretched my groin muscle from sitting with my leg crossed when talking to Ray late 1 night (and what a night that was), so seriously doubt I will be achieving that goal. But have been having a lot of fun tootling around the river run ...

Oh, and I have a new phone - a HTC 'Wildfire' and it is proving a lot of fun playing with it! Telstra texted me to say that I now have 1GB a month allowance, which was pretty bloody useless on my other phone! So I had to get a new one, of course ;) But since then, I have had the most weirdest time trying to download the actual user manual from the HTC site - tried it like 7 times, best I managed was like 15% of total size!
Oh, and did I mention that I seemed to have chipped my tooth further, that the Dentist booked me an appointment for 15/01/11 ((anyone else would go to another Dentist), and it really, really bloody hurts!!!

Well, not THAT long ago ...

WOW!!! That was quite literally over a month ago ...
Am sitting at Rumpus Room again awaiting for the ambient joys of 'Music geekz' to begin, the monthly 4ZZZ get together to showcase music too arty or weird to hear anywhere else ... Besides, also a great opportunity to drink some Mercury Cider and see what is happening in the suburb of West End ... Seems to be more and more changes going on every time I look - there is a City Cycle station outside the Boundary Hotel ... Which does arouse an interesting mental picture of drinking solidly, then getting on a bike and pedalling homewards ... Hmm, the whole idea of drunk in charge of a vehicle suddenly sounds almost plausible ...
The casual Xmas party was yesterday arvo at Zena's (oddly enough, around the corner from where Dani used to get on), but there were less than ten there ... But I am guessing that a lot more than that had paid $10, but just not turned up? Was a rather incredibly wet and wild afternoon, weather wise, anyway ... Although, the tiramisu that Richard bought along had a bottle of Kahlua in it, so it proved a rather strong ending to the afternoon ... Also got to drink some of these 'fruit tingles' (vodka + Blue Curoca?) that Zena made, along with a cheeky bottle of Pinot Noir. Also took along some Brie + crackers, but I was the only one who ate it ... Oh, well, suppose at least somebody enjoyed it ...
Then left with Skyy and Trent, except it turned out that Skyy was actually going out elsewhere, and Trent was going to come back to get Zena so that they could go out somewhere else, so I tagged along to see what happened ... Ended up at the Casino, eating a seafood platter, drinking mango slushies, listening to the tales of betwitchment, and bewilderment ... All this bacchanalia was at least compensated in some way by my riding Bernini across the bridge, and then around the river. Was so good that at the end, I stopped at uGees, and thought to myself that I could easily go a bit further ... So now all I need to do is keep doing it again. And again. And again ...

Oops, that long ago?

The beat goes on ...
The ride from Southbank to Southport (GC100) was really quite difficult (surprise, surprise) and I really noticed it on the last 10km, as all these people just kept riding past me ... Whereas prior to that I had actually been passing people on the way down ... Coming out of the 2nd rest stop started chatting with a fellow who was spinning quite well, and we rode together for awhile nattering away about life and racing bikes-he being of the opinion that they were not warranted on such a ride ... He tried to do track stop at the lights at one point, but fell over just as the lights changed, as you would ... Saw a Canyon bike just coming past Griffith Uni, so sprinted after the bloke for a bit of a chat - turns out a) he was German; and b) knew people over there who bought it for him, and then shipped it to him ... Although, that is an idea ... The organisers gave us so much food, but it did include some of those Cadel bars that I like(d) ... For the most part riders seemed really well behaved, or maybe it was just that I had incredible powers of tolerance? But, either way, there was no slapping of anybody ... Seemed to be a lot of people just riding along alone, so I must really work out how to utilise/exploit such opportunities? Anyway, did the ride, then turned around and rode to the Helensvale station, fortunately with a tailwind :) Had a can of coke to refresh, although as I say, did feel quite amazed at my general level of not excessive pain or discomfort ... The ride back in the train was comical-bikes all over the place, including standing up in seats! Fortunately, not many people got onto the train after the station ... Got home, found the door locked!!! So pottered about, screaming (not quite) silently, then buckled down-had jeans + shirt under house :) so washed self under hose, and dried off with a convenient towel lying about, then headed over to visit Annie. Drank almost a bottle of Cooper's Red before bus came, then bought another before heading over to her place. Brettski was in kitchen making pancakes (+ other foods), so sat down to chat with Annie and friends. One of whom was the William that I had heard of before-turns out that he was as mad as a cut snake, and had some pet snakes ... Could be someone to provide advice, maybe? Anyway, then made way to Rumpus Room to listen to 4zzz and their new tunes, enjoy a few Mercury Draughts. Started heading home, and Shane rang to say he could go unlock door for me, so that I could get in. So went home and collapsed into bed, start to recover. But, at least my legs were not spasming/twitching, as with some previous rides ... Anyway, the statistics speak for themselves: total ride time of 4h 4 mins 41 secs; total distance (from home to Southport) 105.68km; average speed of 23.77kph; max speed of 55.41kph; and, average cadence 85 rpm ...
The night before I had been to a 'End of contract' dinner at the Port Office Hotel, where a fixed menu meal was enjoyed by possibly 15 various co-workers, albeit all others knew each other, being all from the same team ... But, I felt it was important to make the effort, and had a really fun night :) Ended up enjoying a rather tasty piece of rump, and then a nice piece of white chocolate mousse. But I did not stay on too late, as I had the ride on in the morning, which is also why I refused to have any alcohol ... Or so I convinced myself? Wore the light linen pants, along with the blue striped shirt with cufflinks from Father's collection - but discovered that the cuffs were too big for my wrists :o Interesting, very interesting ... The night before that, about 8 of us from Theo's team had met up at the Farmer's Hotel up at Annerley, to have a few drinks, play the pokies, catch up out of work, and to celebrate the end of the contract, even if it was now to continue to March next year ... Oh, and there was also 'singing' (karaoke) involved, but (unfortunately) I had to leave just as that was starting :( Did drink that night, and even got to the bottleshop next door for a bottle of Coopers Red, just as they were shutting ... Anyway, it was good that something was organised, that people came, had fun, including me ...

Have wok, will travel ...

You can spend, minutes, hours, days, weeks or even months over-analyzing a situation; trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could've, would've happened - or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move the fuck on ...
So fucking busy that no real opportunity to do any of this for so long ... Here it is Wednesday, and I am only just getting to write ...
Anyway, phone blew up (almost literally) and so I am suddenly bereft of contact numbers, etc. Saved sim card, but nothing on the damn card!!! grr ... So have spent an inordinate amount of time trying to find ways to contact people, recollect numbers ... but only with limited success :(
So, breast cancer day on Monday, so all dressed in 'pink' - although looking at some people, I suspect that the pink was on the 'inside' ... :o
On Tuesday, another real estate agent came by to say that the place was to be auctioned, and that they wanted to have ongoing access each Saturday, to show clients through the place ... After I have just settled in too!!! :(
Wednesday my friend GEB + partner arrived, so we met for a cider at the West End Club. Well, they also played pool, but at least it slowed down their drinking? Then stopped at Inspire, where I got to meet a somewhat inebriated Brigid ... :o
Hmm, can't actually remember what happened on Thursday, but I am sure I had fun ...
Friday was dressing up for Halloween, and also the presentation for the departure of Theo. Which was fun. :)
Saturday was a strange day, but a good day. The gig was tonight, and I kind of arranged to meet people at Joynt at 6, but what to do until then? So I went shopping ... But coming past West End Club, looked in, and there was GEB :o So told them that I would be back in 10mins, and went off to buy a wok. Then promptly realised that the backpack I had would not hold a wok securely, as it was too small ... So got some plastic bags, and just tied it to the outside :)
The gig was really quite fun ... the people there were so amazing ... but I was probably a teensy bit too inebriated to enjoy wholeheartedly ... Walked GEB, etc. home + drank more :o
Not sure what I did Sunday - walked home after dusk, actually slept until 1130? Did not go for steak, etc. but I do seem to recall that when shopping for weekly supplies, I got some pork, which I then took to park for my own little BBQ?
Oh, and Movember has started ... ;{)

Oops, here we go again ...

There is no 'I' in team, but there is in win, and there's a u in suck.

Wow, hard to believe that so much time has passed, and so quickly! But, here I am two (2) weeks later, finding this is realistically the 1st time in that period when I have been able to sit down and type this out! But, what has been happening? Well, I am GLAD you asked ...

• Extremely heavy rain at beginning of fortnight-typical tropical Brisbane weather, where there was significant 'flash' flooding, including the closure of the tunnels at Buranda because they were submerged! So ended up not getting bike back home until Wednesday night
• Toddled over to West End on Saturday to meet Jen U, have a few beers at Rumpus, catch up. Which was quite fun :) ... Stopped in town on way there to buy Volleys and 'The girl who kicked the hornet's nest' from the store that Gai suggested. Turns out everyone has new books out - Hamilton, Le Carre, Seymour - but every time I look on BCC library catalogue, they are never available! Waiting, always waiting. Also stopped at Art shop on Montague to get some new pens.But, alas, unfortunately, not only did they not have the colour I wanted in the Staedtler range, forcing me to buy a purple and a blue colour, but they also did not have that odd little Nikko pen I had been lusting after/seeking all week :(
• Shot out to JimEz on Sunday, quite a good ride, as it were, had a play with Hunter. Tried to talk him into going for a play at the foreshore, he said to get Daddy, but then refused to go anyway! Wore my new Volleys :) Stopped at Jubilee on way back for steak/chips/salad + XXXX and (surprisingly) it was really quite busy there! Maybe because of Octoberfest at RNA? Maybe because of cheap prices?

This last week has been odd - up and down like a yo-yo (or a 'prostitute's knickers', as somebody once said), with some mornings being absolutely glorious. But got another 'red' call - for POI that I had been told had been amended...
Rode to work 3 days, stopping at Alen's each morning for an espresso. Started on Monday, only to be told that I was to do B-5 training with the usual suspects for the rest of the week, with Dragana. Which was fun, but keen to get on phone and practice now;
Had trivia on Tuesday at Inspire, with Wayne and Hugh, but we actually lost that night! Still, does mean that we get to choose the theme next time - which Wayne decided was to be 90's culture! Even though I insisted on 'vodka' ... Had a bit of a chat with Jac-Jac about life and son's condition-as she said, it is better to be busy and occupied for those things. Also spoke to Marcel about the Movember events, seeing if we can try our luck again this year. But how to conclude things, I wonder?;
Weird, very weird ... thought that 3B had kicked me off as friend from FB, but then just got a message saying that 'Mother' had accepted my friend invitation ... Pity that I had not, nor would, send her an invitation - if only because FB is for friends, not family ... Do I owe 3B an apology then, especially in light of received text??? Weird, very weird, I tell you, because other issue was that all of yesterday I was completely unable to access internet!!! Every time I would go to connect, it would say page loaded, but no content would be displayed, so spent a lot of time trying out various techniques to isolate 'issue', but to no avail ... Then logged in this morning, no problemo ... except, turned it on at Jubilee, and a CHKDSK run started!
Anyway, time for (cheap) steak + chips at Jubilee, and might even splurge, have some (mushroom?) sauce as well? As expected, too much sauce and/or not enough chips! Sure do seem to be quite a few people here, and the day is especially warm, sunny, so I expect even more will be here soon? Decided to try the house wine, a Chardonney by 'the accomplice' (I think), and it is really quite disgusting-quite sweet in flavour, flat (but not in a good way) flavour, and leaves an odd taint in the mouth :( Might go back to the XXXX after this instead ... At least you know what you are getting, hey? [Actually, this wine is tasting worse(r) as it warms up :o]
Funnily enough, ran into John jnr outside of here, but he had work to do so did not want to come in with me, so grabbed his number instead, but damned if I can remember what it was that I was going to invite him to! Funny boy was riding around with chin strap undone on his helmet!!!
Oh, yesterday was a rather crazy day, in some ways I suppose, with a really, really early start-0410hrs, maybe?

• Started writing this, read some more of the Larsson book;
• Went off to West End on bike, noticed that Alen's was shut :( and went to the Markets for bread, to spend a bit of money on vegies - avocado, sweet potato. Looking for a wire mesh 'star' to rest espresso pot on-tried Mick's (which was open), but no luck. Pulled into Swiss to try there - 'know what you mean, don't have one though' - and got a text from Sev (Sam? Simon?) saying 'at Ugee's now, you far away?' :o So joined him for a long macchiato, then went to get hair/eyebrows trimmed, have a chat with my 'stylist', back for another mac, where we were joined by Lauren, before concluded with a chat to the bloke (Lou Peterson) with the Baum (had a decal with his name on the frame! lol) about the whys and wherefores of the bike;
• Rode home, put the sheets and pillow cases on to wash, then walked around corner to markets. Bought some stems + King Protea, then stopped at cafe for breakfast (sausages, bacon, (poached) eggs, tomato, hash brown, and multigrain toast + flat white, in a mug). All suitably disgusting, greasy, amusing. But what fantastic chairs to sit in, were SO comfortable, that I could almost imagine sitting there resolving 'issues' and sipping the horrible coffee, just to enjoy the chairs;
• After all that coffee, I was very wired! So did my usual trick of laying about, feeling the buzz, listening to Goa psy-trance ... Which was fun :) Also manged to clean the wet areas of the bathroom, but had to take a quick detour to Woolworths to get some gloves. And bleach. And some 'roo snags whilst I was there ... Which I cooked up with the 'mini' tomatoes I still had in the fridge-yummy :)
• Finally time to go to Inspire, but Shane had just come home, and (wouldn't you know it) was in the mood for a chat (unload?), so sat there for awhile listening, before excusing myself to meander across William Jolley bridge. There were a few people at the Normanby, many of them seemingly ready to enjoy the kitchen. Apparently there was a Brisbane Roar game on, so there were a lot of Orange tops about - reminded me of (Northern) Ireland during the 'Troubles' ;) Beetle Bar was not quite open, but looked through window and was impressed by the way the set up looked. Anyway, came over bridge, sent text to Jen U/Sev to say be there in 20mins, am going to buy bottle of wine, come have a glass, help me drink it ... Of course, no sooner paid for wine, and Sev texts back to say 'not coming, headache' ... So finished glass, thinking I may as well settle in, enjoy the night, this bloke sits down, starts chatting, Jen U texts to say 'on way' ... Turns out David was an artist who had 1 of the pictures in the display, knew who was who, and was a seriously amusing fellow ... Jen U coming was so much fun - lots of laughter and funny stories - even managed to drum up some business for her? Ilona performed guitar + voice to keep us amused, as well as having a piece on display ... Vanessa curated a rather good display, I thought, but was a teensy bit amused that there were so many of her pictures in the show ;) Anyway, turns out that Ildi's friend Randall was there, with a rather amusing picture, and Sandy also turned up :o but whether she remembered me??? Or why? lol

Whoa! Ended the day with a trip to the zombie walk - Shane had a friend come visit, on way up on train he saw all these people painted up as 'zombies' and so he asked 'why?' (as you would), to which they told him about the zombie walk in Brisbane ... Anyway, am sitting there on verandah, sipping my Mercury Draught, eating my CCs, and they come in to drop off his bag, before heading back into town to explore. So I asked if I could tag along (as you do), and it was so much fun - helped by Shane's telling of China Melville's 'Paradisio' tale on the way in ... Anyway,regret no photos to share :( But, OMFG what the kids of today get up to!!! ;)
Came home to drink some more Draught cider, cook an interpretation of paella, listen to some Tool ...
So, how you doing? What you been up to? :)
Almost paid 1 credit card off :) and have listed shares with broker, so should have two (2) cleared by beginning of next month :) Right on schedule :) Just in time for me to get a new bike - either a Pinarello FP1 or an Opera Bernini :o

Sharing + caring

"You can lead a whore to culture, but you can't make her think. –Dorothy Parker"

Maybe 3B is right?
Maybe I should just give up?

Anyway, have moved into the new place up at Kelvin Grove, and pretty much all it has done since I got here has been rain ... A typical Brisbane Spring, with the tropical rain that is kind of warm, refreshing, constant, but also irritating because it is so constant! There is a patina of 'moss' about the place, which I shall have to remove with white vinegar in the near future, I suppose?
Speaking of which, there is garden space here too, and I am looking forward to restoring some areas with flowers-even petunias, maybe? Plus there are the pavers around the side that are just screaming out for treatment with brown vinegar :) Washed clothes on Saturday, and hung out to dry under the house, but am not confident that they are quite finished yet ...
One of the most amazing things about being here is that I so rarely see any of the other two! Believe that there is a girl that is the next room, and I certainly have heard her watching tv sometimes, but have only really seen twice, briefly, as she flitted in/out, on her way to another 'happening', for other than that, she seems to spend the majority of her time in her room. The fellow too seems to spend an inordinate amount of time in his room as well, but at least I have had something approaching conversation with him - turns out he has/enjoys psy-trance music :o Who would have thought?
Having cleared/cleaned (with the emphasis on 'cleaning'-hard to believe that there was so much uncleaned muck in and around the stovetop, but it is better then it was. Much better), I am looking forward to trying my hand at a bit of culinary flair. Although, 1 medium jet provides minimal output, and the little jet does not work at all ...
Went to farewell the bikes on Sunday, but the whole event had been postponed due to rain! So got wet walking over there, wetter walking back, and all for naught!!! But, it was a rather exciting time of the day to be up and about, it must be admitted ...

Day For ... Fore wot tho???

Day For
As I said, awoke very, very early, feel so burnt and grungy :( But Felix was also up early enough, about 7, so after he had showered and perfumed himself, we set off to go visit La Madre Bread, they having a consistently high standard of bread IMHO ... Got there and discovered that they had moved (!), albeit just across the road and back a bit-where the Post Office used to be ... Bought two (2) loaves of their rye bread, and got 1 sliced, so that I could take it to work to use in the toaster. Also got a couple of ciabattis and a currant roll for later ... Then went next door and bought a couple of pies - $5 for a pie!!! WTF?
After getting over that shock, climbed back into the car and went to visit Michael at Volare's-he was very, very hoarse from cheering the cyclists on over the past few days :o Needless to say, coffee was very, very good, but, oddly enough, not up to his usual standard? Or maybe my tastes have just changed over time? But in any case, divine coffee, marred only by Felix asking for a mug of coffee, and Michael having to explain that the cups did not go that big, albeit in slightly more robust terms ... But so divine in fact, that I decided to treat myself to another cup ;) Michael asked after Rachael, and even when I explained the situation, he still insisted that I was not allowed to visit again until I had at least seen/spoken with her ... Cruel, very cruel ...
From there it was around the corner to visit Greg, to waste some of his time chinwagging about the GTC and the Otway Classic. He explained that there was a strong lack of coordination with the event's organisers and some of the previous participants (e.g. Simon and Genevieve), so he was not confident that it would go off without a hitch ... But for all that, he is going to ride, enjoy himself, and keep up his tradition-this will be his 30th annual ride! :o Related the anecdote of running into a bloke at Cunningham's Pier, discussed Gitanes, and Felix pulling out a business card of Greg's, that he 'just happened to have' in his wallet ... Customers then came in, so thought it best to depart, to leave him in peace, as it were, and get on with the day ...
On the way back called into Mood Support Centre so that I could see Reid, and lose at a few games of pool ... Place is looking large, and all seemed happily settled into the new place (even if it has been like 2 years there), with much going on there as well.
Went back to the house, dropped off some stuff, then headed off to look at the new bridge that had gone in at Barwon Heads, home of filming for 'Seachange', inspiration to so many ... Surprisingly, because he had said it had been going on for quite a while, the bridge was still not finished ... But there sure were a lot of materials and tools around, waiting to be used ... So maybe something else is in the 'pipeline' down there? Anyway, stopped in at Body Torque on the way out of Ocean's Grove-after getting lost trying to find the old place! As in. the building was still there, but there were Sparkies playing around amongst the detrius of the building, so we packed up and moved off, only to discover that it had moved off to the roadside ... Plenty of interesting stuff, and it seems that they have become Avanti dealers (+ there was a rather nice 'Kyrpton' in there too), but nothing grabbed the attention, so headed off again. Turned up Swan Bay Road, and I have to admit that the gradient was not that fierce, but whether that was because we came at it the other way, or were in the car, I am not sure ...
Grabbed some milk + cheese, then home for lunch, before the Hallis girl called me for our stipulated 1pm interview - my 1st impressions are that I am going to have to invest a lot of time/effort into this, so I hope it pays off ... Group session for 4 hours tomorrow (got invited to that) and then panel interview the week after ... So, we shall see, we shall see ...Initial role will be to deal with Urban Water calls :o with 6 months initially in City, before posting out to suburbs? Might see if I can stay in City, however? But that is a discussion for another day/time-have to get the job 1st ... Rather amusing for me was that I was struggling with the final question - Describe how you explained a difficult concept - and then the battery on the phone died!!! Amazing how it gets about 30mins, and then just dies like that ... Maybe 3B was right?
Because of of all this, felt I was running a bit late, so headed off to airport, and sent Donna Rae an apologetic text about missing her further. Typically, the run was quite quick, and I ended up sitting at Avalon typing up the previous day's adventures for the blog ... Succumbed to temptation, and sent a text to 3B re chatting when I got home, discovering that she had fallen asleep in the sun whilst enjoying a day off - sometimes wonder if that girl ever works!!! ;) The trip back was less unpleasant, with an entire row to myself, even though the front of the plane was quite full! Noticed a few bike helmets and carriers amongst the passengers, with a lot of pleased/stunned looks ... Anyway, got in, caught train back to town, changed at Central, where I promptly walked the wrong way, and had to turn around before getting down to ANZAC Square to catch bus home. Logged in to discover that entries for GC100 had closed :( that 3B may have intended not to meet me :( and that it sux ...
Maybe I should just give up???

Day FreeDoom

Wow, am I really so sarcastic + cynical? Or just (more so) when not sober??? Could be a reason to not drink, I suppose ...
Freud discussed how with freedom comes responsibility, but most only want the former ...
Anyway, got bored early, so thought to head into town, grab a bottle of water, go down to waterfront, and update this ... but, this being Geelong, the shops did not open until 10 ... So just wandered about, wondering at all the people about, seeing what the options were for coffee, not wanting to go to Rimmini's just yet, and ended up at a little waterfront cafe, which suddenly got very popular after I got there ...
Had Eggs Benedict, and although the girl suggested bacon, I went with the traditional ham. After I got it, and bit down into the cold ham, I could see why she recommended bacon ... Coffee (Flat white) was not that crash hot either ... But after giving up my table to a pair of gentleman who looked a bit shocked on walking in to see how chaotic it all was, I decided that it was all good ...
So went and got my bottle of water, then went down to waterfront, down by Cunningham's Pier. Opened up Silver Rocket, and quickly realised how ridiculous it was to try to type with the sunshine pouring down on me, so settled down to watch the cycling, the men having just left Melbourne-daylight saving proving its usefulness, having just started the night before ... The crowd down there was truly amazing, even that early in the piece, so I do worry about how full on it got later ... Anyway, the commentary was most appreciated, even if letting us know that Matthew Goss stopping for a 'nature break' was a little bit 'too much information' ...
By the time they got into Geelong, the breakaway was ahead by 25 minutes, with a lone Serbian stuck in the middle, 10 minutes from the leaders! Most amusing was the huge crowd surge when it was realised that the leaders were passing along Western Beach, as in, just over there; as in, just about to go past ... oh :o
So I let the crowd go wild, watched the peleton come into town, then headed off for a coffee at Rimmini's to get the day started again ... There was a substantial surge when the boys went past, before they all came back to enjoy their breakfasts. Had sat down to type, but with the increasing popularity, I thought best not to dawdle or linger too long ... One thing that was amusing was the commentary re. what would happen if the peleton was to take too long, as the course was about 25 minutes long, and if the leaders were that far out in front, by the time the peleton got to town, the leaders would be in danger of lapping them ... Not to mention what to do about the 'caravan' of cars that followed ... On way down came across a promo being done for 'Monster' energy drink, so grabbed a couple, and wrapped up in towel for later use(s), as apparently it is extremely similar to Red Bull-gives you wings? Full of caffeine, taurine, and other wonderful things like ginseng ...
Ended up under the bridge down the end of Moorabool, where the bikes took a tight turn, to go along the river. After a couple of laps, realised that I was literally around corner from Bruce's, so grabbed a snag from the Rotary van (which I thought was a rather good idea, given that there were a lot of people waiting around), and wandered over to see how they were. Interrupted lunch, so did not stay too long, but they were well enough, and it was good to look over the house briefly, before heading off to watch the racing yet again. It was about now that I thought to myself about why were the caravan of cars rushing about? But, how much more exciting this is - no radios, no support cars right behind ...
Thought to meander back into town to watch the conclusion of the race, catch a bit of the colour and vibrancy, but stopped on way back to visit De Grandi, and their sales garage, out back, where I bought some (Pinarello) gloves and (Euro) multi-lens glasses ... Typically Felix then rang me just as I was about to start the climb up the hill, so turned around, and met him at the pub for a stubby of Carlton, to watch the cyclists go flying past ... Ended up watching the conclusion of the race there, watching Cadel just keep driving, attacking, setting up Alan Davies to take out 3rd ... Was rather exciting, I tell you!
So, to celebrate, we went to get pizzas and some cans to have in the park, to enjoy the beautiful weather of the day ... As it was the last night, for me, UCI, Geelong, we headed off to the waterfront to see what was happening, and ended up at the Edge again! Was fun, but as I was tired, headed off early ... at which point he tells me that the girl he had been making eyes at all night actually responded that it was a shame we were leaving!!! So I had to take a wander around the promenade quickly to recharge batteries, to refocus, before heading back in to act as Wing-leader, to encourage and dazzle with his brilliance ... But went home alone, so I can't have done that good a job ... :o

Hmm ... glad I have gone home now-am waking up earlier and earlier (5/4/3) so if I stayed any longer, I probably would be waking up before I went to bed ... :o
Well, that sux!!! Just looked over at helmet, turns out he went to go get me a XL one from the car-last one, mate-but it is the M one ... :(

Day to ...

A day that started so crisp and fresh (a.k.a. bloody freezing - had two (2) blankets on, but had to then put heater on at 5), but barely a puff of wind, so was looking good for the race today ...
Awoke at 6, and Felix said he was off to some meeting at 7, but I did not hear him leave - although later he told me that he had been, but then came home and crawled into bed again for 'several' hours ...
Anyway got bored, then got text from Cass, so went into town and met her for breakfast, down at the famous Rinnai, which was all decked out with red/black balloons - apparently there was a football game on as well? Not that you would really know it with all the bikes and cyclists meandering around the streets of Geelong - warmed the cockles of my heart no end, I tell you!
Must say that there are an awful lot of pedalling police around this event - in fact, there are a lot of police, period! But all there to 'serve + protect' ... Apparently ...
Went down for a look at the trade stalls over at Cunningham Pier, and amazed at the spread of goods there - Ride, Baum, BMC (even had the Imprec there-looks/sounds nice), all there for the delight and excitement of the punters. Bought myself a new helmet, as the old one has cracks in it apparently :o
Anyway, soon swapped one guard for another, as Cass left soon after Felix arrived, and then it was all on again, for another day of racing ...
Women's race was quite exciting, with several breaks, and Arndt was there right to the very end, but was not able to conclude - the Italian Bronzini won ... Spent most of the day floating around Moorabool Street, watching the riders come through sporadically - the peleton was quite broken up, yet the girls kept going, doing lap after lap, especially the Malayasian riders. Met up with Kristie, and watched the amusement/entertainment in Mall, including a rather charming fellow who came up on a very small bike, but towing a huge amount of props! Interestingly, it was another sprint finish ...
Went home to change, trim the nails, before heading into Max's for dinner with Cass/Donna. On the way in, we came across the Netherlands team car with all these interesting bikes, so Felix and I stopped to argue about them, only to get 'busted' by Marianne Vos as she came out of the Doping Control :o Had a rather interesting little bottle of Six Foot Six 'Pinot Gris', albeit a 2009 vintage - had been promised a 2007 one, but none left :(
Then Cass wandered off, so the rest of us meandered down along the foreshore, absorbing the ambience, looking at the people, being seen - e.g. Rob Arnold and the Ride crew were there enjoying a little light dinner ... Donna wanted dessert, so had an ice cream cone down by the water, playing around, watching the waves drift in, the lights of the Bay reflected across the water, telling stories, laughing at each others' innocences ...
Then went back to Edge (?) to have another drink, and found a girl in flats who was as tall as I was ... Pity she was bit younger, but, hey, take what you can get ... ;) Especially in G-Town (even if she was visiting) ... After a bit, the others dragged me away, and we walked back up the hill - but the queue to get back into the Edge was seriously huge!!! The things that happen when otherwise occupied, hey? lol Stopped at Nash, where I made Felix dance with Donna as payback, but they were happy, so all good ...
Walking home I heard this strange music emanating from the pub on Myers Street, so I made Felix pull in there for a nightcap, but he was buggered (poor sod) and they were seriously shutting down, so we quickly killed the beers, wandered off, turning down my favourite laneway, to come out just next to 'Elephant and wheelbarrow' :) However, the memories of 'Psycho bitch' lay heavily upon me, on seeing the crowds seeping out, toying with each other, trying to end the night on a high, with another, so went home and crashed out for a few hours ...

Day won

Awoke early, and thus did not have an awful lot to do, so pottered about, wasting time, waiting, always waiting - can't get there too early, after all ...
Debated whether to walk or not, but then decided to jump bus anyway. Got off and went to Cosmo's for coffee + breakfast, only to find that it has all changed so much :o But, had my eggs + bacon, drank my coffee, rang Felix/Donna, checked in ...
There are an awful lot of oddly dressed men getting off the plane ... some in Swans regalia ... well, the colours anyway - actually, looks more like a 'Where's Wally' set up, if anything ...
The things you see - a rail trail that winds through 500k (so far) in WA, with overnight huts set up sporadically ... could be good? ... An arcade table, with over 60 games as standard-wonder if Galaga is included?
Sitting on plane tapping away, seem to have lost pen down there somewhere ... No doubt I will find it when we all get up, I suppose? Is a tad annoying, but what can you do, hey? All part of the rich tapestry of life, diverse, amazing, engaging ...
Left Brisbane with rain drifting down, and there is certainly a lot of cloud cover so far, although the voice on the tannoy announced that Geelong is pleasant, with only a mild breeze drifting across ... So many people on this flight - do not think I have ever seen a trip this full before? Am sure that not all of them are going to W/C ... are they? After all, there are some that are wearing Saints/Pies regalia ...
Must remember to take lots and lots of photos, but then actually use them ... Oh well, best to have too many and then winnow them down, then wish for more, I guess?
Plane landed, searched floor, no pen :(
Felix picked up, drove back into Geelong, debating about what to do, how to time things, as I had to go to bank, then catch up with friends for dinner. Because of cycling, we had to go around past Belmont to get through, which was fine, except that it seems everyone was going there too! So there was a very, very long wait to get through ... but once we were over the bridge, things moved a lot easier ...
Got to bank by walking into town, but even that resulted in a few 'detours' around the staging areas ... Stopped for a few ales at National Hotel, got a call from Hallis girl seeking time for phone interview, which I had best not forget about ... Wandered out to watch the U23 men go flying past, realised they still had another 50kms to go, so wandered back in for another beer (or two) ...
Came out, and went into the viewing platform to catch the last lap, and saw Matthews win ... Could not help but notice that everyone else up there seemed to have lanyards with photos, etc. on them, but the security guard tipped us a wink, and then just ignored us ... Saw Trevarrow and Rob Arnold up there, along with that guy :o from the HTC team ... Buggered if I can remember his name though! Matt White ...
Bumped into Zbig/Donna, then met Cass for a quick beer, then off to White Eagle to see Kristie, Kate and Bruce, where it turned out that it was their 4th anniversary :o My how time flies!!! Had a seafood platter, which was big, greasy, filling, and then went to play pool, which I managed to lose by 1 ball, as per usual ... But it was good for a few laughs, and that is all that matters, hey?
Back to have coffee, etc. at Kate/Bruce's, went with Kristie and had a bit of a chat in car about how things are doing, how she has been ... Got inside and found that some of my photos had been used :o Bruce had a new Wilier that he took great delight in showing off to me! Took some more photos, looked at the mower(s)-must sy, impressed by them also having a push mower!
Then Felix and I jumped back into car, grabbed jacket and headed out into the town, where I was absolutely shocked by the sheer emptiness of the city!!! My grand scheme of there being packs of biker babes roaming the streets of Geelong, anticipating the O+ race tomorrow, here for a 'wheely' good time, came to nought ... Visited Beav's, snuck across to Bended Elbow, got turned away (no photo ID), so wandered down to Ryrie and had a look at the new Bicycle Superstore ...
As we were wandering back, somehow Felix got me to stop in at Alley Cats ... so a pleasant day/evening was ended drinking beer, fending off 'offers' to watch private shows, and watching girls take their clothes off ...

Addendum/conclusion

Unsure why I feel so depressed, so low - she likes me, cares for me, wants to be my friend - which is what I want(ed) too ... So am I rubbed raw (again), I wonder? Am I really doomed to repeat such cycles of violence and abuse??? An email like that was a bit confronting - not even the courtesy of a phone call ... So, does it matter?
There is something to be said for the BCC wi-fi connectivity - I cannot connect!!! Imagine that is more about my inability to diagnose problems, explore context for connection, but what to do, hey?
Sunday arvo ...
Drink Crittenden Dry white
Visited QUT Art museum
Watched 'Perfect blue' DVD - has someone been watching/reading 'American psycho', maybe?
Somewhat random notes seems to be the nature of these postings :o
Smashing pumpkins are coming to town, and apparently they are the 'best grouping' yet!!! Which kind of is really interesting given that James and Darcy were the driving forces behind the words of Corgan ... Wonder if he ever got over the r/ship with Courtney?
Writing this, realising that I am discussing these people as if they were intimate friends, and I on first name basis with them, reminds me again of the consideration of 'gossip mags' with their enforced/shared intimacy with the 'stars' of the world ...
There were waves of clouds caressing the moon, skiding across the sky, leaving no trace of their passage, but stroking gently, effortlessly, arousing emotion/feeling in preparation for the full moon to arise in the sky tomorrow ...
Which kind of lead to the bit that sucked about being there - as I sit alone, writing, thinking, feeling, alone, men circle me like vultures waiting for death to arrive under the noon sun ... 'Want some company?' Want to enjoy my peace + quiet to be honest, let the thoughts erupt through my mind, skid effortlessly like the clouds above ...
Seems in this, as in life in the main, my role is to listen to others, to not be listened to, used and abused, the soiled tissue cast aside ... Is this a recognition of what my role in society is to be, an understanding that I must accept who/what I am, without cause for aspiration, or change? Or is it just a realisation that there are those that use me for their own needs, and I should just get used to it? Just get rid of those that do not add value to my life? But is that not 'mercenary' and/or rather self-serving, self-justified, self-focussed?
Did I mention that Friday is Geelong for the W/C, and I am very excited ... So much to do before though ... busy, busy, as someone once commented ...

Onwards ...

Hmm, seems that Silver Rocket is responding rather slowly of late ... maybe I need to run the Virus s/ware to check for gremlins?
Anyway, a rather interesting night, although I did get rather drunk :o Had arranged to meet AnnE at the Rumpus Room for a beer + chat, and then next thing I know, young Sam is invited in, before Brett wombled in, so we had a little party going amongst ourselves, just o/s - largely because they are all smokers ...
Then off to join the boys at Inspire for Trivia, and Sapparo beers - interestingly both have spare rooms, I need somewhere to live, neither was interested-where the team lost big time :( Although, the picture that they were aiming for, hoping to dump on me, was not one that I was looking forward to?
Anyway, afterwards they were keen to grab a curry, so I jumped a bus, which turned out to be driven by young Chris, over to New Farm, where I stopped at Alibi for a 151 nightcap ... The place was certainly happening, in a relaxed sort of way, but I am surprised I got home safely ... even if it was all downhill ...
Woke up extremely seedy this morning :o so it was a slow process getting there this morning - probably best that it was a late beginning? My goal today was to bring joy + understanding to all the lives that intersected with me today ... So had a few laughs today, to be sure :)
The song 'Hunting for witches' (Bloc Party) is playing in my ears (on the bus) and is causing rather unseemly distortions in the left earbud ... :o
There could be something to be said for playing with Silver Rocket on the bus, I tell you! Although, what JimE does, playing movies, listening to music, may not be as appropriate, given the relatively short bursts of travel involved? But there is always something to be done - could be an opportunity to do some of the 'reading' that I keep promising myself that I will do ... One day. Always one day ... Certainly games may not be an option, especially given their lag time with starting/pausing, anyway ... But, we shall see, we shall see ...
Keep reminding myself that I do not need/want to stop at Japanese for sushi, as I have remanents of flake in green curry at home ... Although, maybe, just maybe I could splash out tonight, as I DO need to pick up some bread, etc. Anyway, shall see what happens, shall see ... Does irk me that it is sometimes hard to venture there, and then be turned away because they do not have what I want ... Maybe I am the one that needs to change? :o Now there is a concept ...
The concept of an online presence, of being interconnected, has been echoing through my head, making me wonder about the split emails, the personal/public/business/professional/private perception, or personna, more likely ...
Hmm ...

Another day begins, and I need to think of a driving motivation for this day ... Or do I? Surely the impetus to do good is enough? Or would that depend on how 'good' is to be defined? Ah, the joys of relativism, hey?
Having had my morning coffees - two (2) in fact - I am buzzing like a lightyear :o but what I wanted to say was that there was a noticeable difference between the efforts of the boy (sharp, bitter, bit burnt) and girl (bitter to point of sweetness) ... Certainly is a kind of nice place to hang out at ... maybe this is the bars/pubs of the new era? An avenue for enjoyment of socially acceptable drug intake, or participation?
Hmm, there is something to be said for this late starts, although the last few days all I have done is sit around ... although, I did wash up, pack up some of a box, and tidy up personal papers, so was not all wasted ... Also realised that such a morning could be well utilised for going riding around the river - out via Riverside, around St. Lucia, back into W/E, home via K/P ... Now just have to do it, hey? WWonder if I allowed 2 hours that would be enough? Just have to try it, and see, hey???
WOW!!! Suddenly little Sue got on the bus - that was so cute!!! Am sitting up the back, saw her go past the window, get on, so I sat up and started clicking my fingers at her ... fortunately she got the joke :) Sat down and started chatting, poor duck is still quite ill, coughing away ...
Anyway, off to the South, listening to 'Gaskrankenstation' by Headless Chickens, does life get better then this? Of course it does! And worse then this! And all the points in between ... c'est la vie,as Moz would say ...
This job with BCC may be way to go - 14% Super, supporting the town you live in, public service ... Of course, it may help if I actually applied for, and got, the bloody job 1st, hey?
Hoped this stupid Mother of mine gets a move on and resolves the estate!!! At least then I will be able to make reppoachment efforts in good conscience ... Might give her until 30/09 before providing a gentle nudge, as it were?
In the mean time, AIR goes up, and I am in process of establishing a trading account ... But a bit worried about the CMA that they meep referring to, but have not actually seen any info on ... Plus I think I might change the linked bank account to the Westpac account, especially seeing as there is rarely much money in it, and hence less risk ..
Well, almost there again - just coming up to the Griffith Uni (MG) stop, so will save and wander on ...

Hey 3B :) a personal note for you!!! In my dreams, skating across all of this/us I have come to realise that you and I reflect much of self, which is possibly why we confuse ourselves/others so much? Please hang in here with me ... you are a significantly important person, I am trying to be your friend, but ( and this is only a 'but' in the sense of recognition, not a controlling or qualitative condition) I am unable to do no more for you than I can do - can't make you like you or me beyond what I can do. So I try. Can only do what I can do ... Please, please say 'yeah' ...

Meandering the web today I have a rich source of quotes :) Amazes me how I find inspiration in the words of others, as if to be reminded of the beauty that others see, directions that they point out to observe/inspire? 'The improver of natural knowledge absolutely refuses to acknowledge authority, as such. For him, scepticism is the highest of duties; blind faith the one unpardonable sin ... The man of science has learned to believe in justification, not by faith, but by verification' - Huxley
Of course I will probably get massacred, but maybe there will be something there that will appeal to someone else?
Also got in trouble from a weedy little ingrate today-spend all this time trying to help, advise, rectify, and then get roused on for not being paitent with his petulance? Whatever ... do have other things to be doing ... nails? hair? whatever ...
Naturally this happened as the coffee seeped through my system must have echoed in situ? Because earlier a woman was almost in tears in gratitude for what I did for her, resolving her situation, settling her ruffled feathers, calming the stormy teacup ...
Welcome to Friday :) day begins afresh, the w/e beckons, and all I worry about is fitting it all together - rough life, hey?

It's such fun

Gawd, what an ending to the week!!!
Did not sleep particularly well :( Maybe it was the pernod? Maybe not? But at least it was not as chaotic as the dichotomy of waking up Thursday morning after dreaming of 3B all 'Mr. Happy', then waking up Friday morning, after dreaming of 3B again, with a wet pillow ... But was awake by 3AM, after crawling into bed at 11PM, and the ABC still would not work on the television, so could not even watch RAGE!!!
So pottered about, finished off the Akira book I had, and remembered bits from the movie, sipping on my Grey Goose + sparkling mineral water + lime, waiting for the sun to rise. Did not really feel like eating, so just had some toast + goop, packed my little bag, before heading out to see JimE, he being the b/day boi ...
Tried something different, went through Tenneriffe, past Breakfast Creek Hotel, turned left, and went along Sandgate Road from the beginning, which was a lot of fun! Along way saw a bloke on a BMC SLR-01, so pulled over and chatted until the lights changed, which freaked out his companions. But hey, why ride a bike if you are not prepared to be proud of what you ride? Got rained on quite a bit, which made the ride a little cold, as it was also windy. But what fun it was, such fun ...
JimE had barely gotten up, was still having his morning coffee-in fact I think he had only just finished it by the time I had smashed down 2 beers? Played with Hunter and looked at his new toy, which was a very interesting combination of a digger/dumper/loader combo ... Anyway, he and his Dad were pleased with it ...
Then back on bike to look at the room at Shane's and to talk about moving in, which seems a fair proposal? Nice area, not too far from shops, etc. Then went 'exploring' on the bikepath for how to get to West End ... which is a roundabout way of saying I got lost, or maybe that there was no conceivable bikeway access there? In either case, ended up jumping on to Kelvin Grove Road, and just sprinting (think that is the part where my speedo recorded a 45+kph bit?) my little heart out, dodging through traffic, jumping across lanes - so thanks to all the drivers that made an effort to help me out ... ;)
On other side, sent text to heaps of people saying that I was nearly there, to text me if/when they got there, and all but 2 actually responded!!! Of those 2, 1 rarely responds to me anyway, and the other was many miles away, had mentioned in passing, so I included merely to indicate that as a friend, was sharing the joy ... and what a joyous day it was!!!!
The West End Festival was nowhere near the rambuctious/chaotic fusion of the Boundary Street Festival of old :( But, most important of all, it was what it was, lots and lots of fun-although the one thing I was interested in at the Boundary Hotel I shyed away from due to the noise of Blind Dog ... but entertainment abounded in many other forms.
Was to meet Little Stevie at Lock n Load, sat o/s for a bit watching entertainment, feeling the weight of my exhaustion bearing down, thought that it would be just my luck that he would turn up as I sat o/s waiting, so I best do something about it. So I looked up, and at that very moment, the table next to the window emptied :o So I rushed in and snaffled it ... Bought a jug of beer, sent him a text saying 'shall I pour you a glass?' and Jenny walked past :o Then came in and joined me ...
From there it was all on, people, entertainment, laughter, stories, beer, entertainment, people ... Wow, am really kind of glad that I walked away from all of that at about 5, though. Got back onto bike and pedalled home through the cloudy, darkened dusk, bouncing across the Queen Victoria Bridge, then down Adelaide Street, which seemed to have been closed off, as traffic was extremely limited down there ... Anyway, rode hard so as to burn off some of my nervous energy and the carbs from all of that beer ;)
Got home, thought to unwind would eat lots of toast, pan fry the Rainbow Trout, which had been mellowing under a saffron infusion since last night, finish off the Grey Goose + ginger beer, check online presence, and found a rather confusing email from 3B :( especially so as I am unsure of what she is referring to (could it of been the letter to myself?) but as she did not respond to phone, and texted back 'Busy eating with my son' I guess I have to wait to find out? Although I suspect she has completely misunderstood something, I wonder if she will ever apologise, or acknowledge error? Pity, because I do consider her a most wonderful person (but do fear that this may not be acknowledged enough! grr) who, I thought, was part of a mutual likability, so was really keen to try out a 'friendship' with her, especially now that it had been pointed out what a 'no relationship' statement means ... As I have said previously, finding her was hard enough, but hanging onto her, keeping her interested enough to hang there is the real challenge ...
So, we shall see, we shall see ... But I do really, really hope/pray that I am not just consigned to the scrapeheap of the past ...
Anyway, the week has begun again, as they do ;) The only thing that will make this week bigger + better is going to be how +ve I am thinking/feeling, so let us do this thing called life ... :o

Penny dropping/dreadful(ly)

What a week, yet a week no different from others, I guess?
Coffee at Ugees, and this time they remembered me, so I was not left sitting out the front for too long ...
Went to markets, bought avocadoes and bread - still crazily busy down there, though ...
Had several early starts at work, so rode in Weds/Thurs - was going to ride also on Tues, but piked out ...
Went to movies on Tuesday night, and saw 'The disappearance of Alice Creed'
Rang 3B for a chat, she says will pick me up on bike, to come down Friday night ...
But didn't ...
...
Saturday arvo was started with this from CassE:

"Just for you ...
Hurt you? They can't
Try to? I dare them
Love you? I do
Be you? They wish
Envy you? They should
Defend you? I would"

Then I finished off my bottle of Pernod, and sorted out my belongings. An immediate reaction was that I have a lot of lanyards :o so must think of someway in which to utilise them, I suppose? Also found a supply of condoms, but their expiry date was over a year ago ... which just goes to show how long it has been since I had sex ... In fact, I am surprised I even remember what is supposed to happen, or go where ...
Also have an awful lot of 'journals' started, but never completed ... So have a huge number of books with some scribbling in! Wonder what I am to do about such things???
Oh yeah, found 'The complete idiot's guide to understanding ethics' at the local library, and whilst it is interesting to be reminded of half forgotten theories and considerations, maybe because it is written by Americans (or maybe they are just stupid), there is a consistent blurring of ethics with morality, as if the terms were interchangible, which, of course, they are not, and there is a persistent irritating negation of the language used as being extremely relative, as if they are to be excluded from such considerations. One particular example is that they highlight the example of Robin Hood in discussing 'virtue' and yet are unable to acknowledge the relativity of judgement!!! grr ...
Which reminds me-Gibson has a new book out, as does Seymour ... wonder if the new Hamilton is out yet???
Popped over to see JacJac and caught up on her news ... Hopefully I listened enough? Anyway, what she said about Mia Farrow - 'People use other people! Get used to it!' - resonated, and I now have a better understanding of what 'No relationship, just friendship' signifies ...
Hmm, have been struggling a bit with that ...
Anyway, hopefully we will survive???

Spare tit@christening

"You old sad and lonely self aggranising arrogant cunt!
What makes you think that anyone really cares about what you say, about those 'cute' little quotes you come out with?
The way that you live your life, away from all reponsibility and interaction, is it any wonder that nobody stays with you for very long?
That way that you push people away, making them jump through ever increasingly tighter hoops, to prove their 'love' for you.
The air of desperation about you is like a perfume that is designed to attract other sad and lonely losers like you is it?
Do you think that the 'tragedies' of your life make you special, give you the 'right' to behave so irresponsibly?
And you then wonder why nobody wants to be with you?
Instead of worrying about what value people bring to your miserable existence, why not focus upon the reality of questioning what value you bring to theirs!
Do you really think that just because you are so precious and wonderful everyone else will just fall at your feet, worshipping the very air that you breathe?
And then if for some bizarre reason they don't there must be something wrong with them? Right?
What chance does someone else have in your tight little enclosed world when you can't let go of your cycle of depression and self doubt?
Are you really so filled with self pity that you can't accept the positive noises that somebody else makes about you??
The intensity that you pour into not getting your way could be better spent focussing on working together.
What chance does somebody else have with you when you do not even rate your own chance, or value yourself, particularly highly?
Is it that you have set yourself such a low standard that when somebody exceeds those expectations you are unable to respond?
Is it because you are not in control, that your limits are breached, that you do not know what to do, or how to act?
Are you so bereft of social skills that you are unable to act accordingly once your repotoire is emptied?
There are other ways of acting, you know, just because you have never tried them ...
If you keep telling people how bad and worthless you are, not accepting their admonishments as to your value, then is it any wonder that they eventually give up, accept what you are saying?
If you do not believe in yourself, your value to others, why should they?
It is easy enough to blame others for not recognising how wonderful you are, but what if you are not really?
Just because you are unable to accept conclusions and closure!
Maybe you need to try finishing something you started, instead of shying away from the pain of exposure?
Were you act with integrity, or 'morally', in a social situation, would your life be so much worse?
Why do you drink so much? Some drink to forget, some to remember what they have forgotten, but what about you?
There is an emptiness about you, a void that you want somebody else to fill, a brokenness about you that somebody else is to repair? But why would/should they?
Are you so happy to wallow in your misery that you would forsake the soothing of another?
Have you so given up on the world that repitition bores you?
Are you so unable to enjoy the pleasure of another?
Why do you need to find value in the judgement of another, yet are so devastated at their judgement finding you wanting?
Especially when you give them no other option to choose.
Why are you so happy to take the space that is available to you, yet are so reluctant to allow your own to be 'invaded' - which is how you think of it!
If there was a reward in heaven for self centredness would Peter still be standing by the doorway to greet you?
Is this sense of self destruction because you hate your self so much? Or just a recognition of the detrimental effect you have on others around you?
What is this language that you speak of 'how to live'? Is it deliberately obtuse, or do you just genuinely have no real idea?
You are so like flotsam in the stream of life, waiting for something else to sweep you away, so unable to hold onto what is near and dear.
Smile, be happy, on the inside, and stop pretending that all is good when it is not. A friend recognises that you are not smiling on the inside when you are smiling on the outside!"
Having made those pronouncements, the room then proceeded to empty ...

Yeah, no, got nothing

An odd week, with many mixed messages ... You cannot rely on me, do not trust me, I am fallible, but I will use the pics of you shot of me for my public profile ... My paranoia says that I am merely a 'notch in the belt' which is probably why I let realism ru(l)e the day ... Interestingly, we talk at such cross purposes and meanings - I do not want to have a relationship with you, but I do want to fuck you, be with you. Just sometimes, though. But isn't that what I am trying to engender? Is it? Oh ... But, enough ...
Riding out to Toowong to look at a house, will be old, crappy (bit like how I feel when down), and I will in all probablity not follow through with taking it, but I liked the sound of the agent, so have come for a look ... But the fucking sheer joy of riding - OMFG!!! Bad thought, but who needs relationship(s) when there is such a joy in riding? The sensations of muscle strain, wind in hair, sweat percolating through t-shirt (yeah, no guensey, as I felt best not to turn up to house too 'sporty'), tightness of lungs, the rush of spinning at 100+ rpm ... Got overtaken by girl on New Farm pontoons, and although I could not keep up, I was not losing too much ... but the way she spun was almost fluid in motion symbolism! Of course, she did need to tuck her arms in considerably, and practice spinning through corners, to make them tighter, but even noticing such a thing, rationalising/considering it is joyful!!!
Bought some saffron, will do rissotto tonight, settle in, get sozzled, then watch RAGE tonight methinks? Will totally destroy tomorrow, but shall see ...
Hmm, got a bit lost finding the place :o and then discovered I had left the bit of paper at home (I hope) with the address, and the contact number of the agent ... Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear ... Could be a message in there though about my expectations for tomorrow? Sitting outside State Library, overlooking the river/walkway, watching all these cyclists go by, listening to 'Nursery rhyme' by UNKLE - fuck I love this song!!! Felt really, really bad/ashamed about taking the iPod back, but listening to this, after so long ameliates the pain, somewhat ...
Simultaneously a bloke goes past on a paddle board, and a girl cycles past without a helmet ...
Anyway, best continue onwards - have decided to take the other side of the riverpath back, go over the Storey Bridge ... all for a bit of fun, hey?
Sunday, I set off to see the other rental place, and it does seem really, really nice ... However, the chappy that was there did have a lot of 'applications' so I am quite trepitious about the reality of my my chances there :( But it was a really nice place - 1 bedroom, small bathroom, gas stove, great lounge/dining area, so we shall see, we shall see ...
Anyway, riding back along the Riverside bikepath, thinking about how I needed to change the ways that I think about things-create your own reality-about how wonderful 3B is, and there was this $20 note blowing across the path :o So stopped at the Bowls club for a beer, having some Tooheys Extra Dry, going to have an antipasto platter ...
Must say, they do seem to do decent size plates here ... Dash-people next to river have 'demanded' that the 'blind' be lowered, so my view over the river has become extremely diminished, reduced, blurred ... Riding past I saw all these empty tables, thought it would not be too packed/bad here, but turns out they were 'reserved' for people yet to arrive ... Turns out that there is also a BBQ option here as well :o but it does need to be pre-booked ... This is an odd place in some ways, and the people here do tend to be a little bit peculiar? Although, there is a chappy who just wandered by, showing the precision only evident in the excessively drunk ... And since that last comment, he has appeared another 2 times, each time the walk a little more controlled and 'precise', but each time he has gotten more drinks ...
Really need to trim hair-there is a reflection that appears in the screen, backlit as I am, which illuminates just how scaggly I appear (to others?) and it makes me concerned about my personal image ...
Hmm, just realised that my consideration of only drinking Friday/Saturday night has just fallen in a screaming heap ... Maybe I am (becoming) an alcoholic? :o Which maybe why I have such an ambivalence towards the 'straight edge' mentality?
Nope, time to go, time to go ... Run away, run away ...
So, a day later, and how much difference speaking with a single voice makes, I don't know ... Yet, I go on and try to do it, put into place what needs to be done, go through the motions of existential reality, lived or otherwise ...
Maybe this is what is meant by emphasising the journey, not the ending? For I do prefer that things be in place before bouncing off for other adventures?

Killing in the name of ...

Sunday arvo was Rumpus Room, listening to some of the new tracks that 4zzz is grooving to (esp. enjoyed 'The cape' by Martha Tilson), and so I kicked back with Mercury Draught, enjoyed the sounds. Then went to George's for some Sunday arvo chips to enjoy, which was really nice, but I am glad that I am not doing that regularly. They had grey Sashimi in there ...
The week was fantastic, with a smile in the voice, and people responding to it by being paitent whilst I handled/resolved their enquiries. In fact, by the end of the week, I was actually feeling that I could actually understand, if not fully answer, PAYG enquiries! Which helped ... The most amusing clients are those that feel that the PAYGI system is necessarily draconian, as opposed to the ATO propaganda that portrays the system as one which is designed to assist the taxpayer ... Interesting how interpretation is so variable in such matters ...
Finally the ATO ITR refund landed :o and I promptly spent it on things, like reducing credit card debt, but I did spend some on my friends, although all were strangely reluctant to take it! Tried to encourage JimE to try a different drink, and he got cranky at me, so bought him an iTunes voucher instead! Anyway, also bought him a USB stik to put movies, etc. on so as to allow easier transfer of data, and put the files of Hunter playing with my camera - almost 'I shot myself' maybe? lol
Well, there was RiverFire-lots of loud noises, bright lights, people, and amazing entertainment. Am sure that it was the company that made it? Drink some Tarrango, a rather nice Beaujolais, but the highlight was a rather nice Pinot Noir, from the Bellarine, no less. So many people, slipped off bike, broke the rear derailleur, which meant that the rear wheel kept slipping out, and then I made her ride home, freewheeling down the hill. Imagine if the wheel had slipped out then?

Pt 2 of 'Fucking amazing; Amazing fucking'

So, that week was about spinning, keeping up the revs on the bike, not so much concentrating on the distance, as it seems that I am able to get back into that ... Bit concerned at the moment that I am not doing it enough ... But, what am I really to do? Must continue to recognise that I am recovering from the fractured clavicle, and just pace myself ... However, at the back of my mind is the recognition that there are other waves/tsunamis approaching, and that I must be prepared for them.
Fist stop is GC100, but then? Plan for the future? Laos in '11? Burning Man in '12? Grafton-Inverell? Melbourne-Warnoobool? (actually, that is spelt wrong ...) These are big considerations, require much preparation, changes to ways of life ... and then there is this 'relationship' thing that is a part of all of these plans ... OMFG, she is wonderful ... Of course, part of all of this is the requirement to concentrate on other things, like jobs, roof, food ... All very well understanding that they will take care of themselves, but I am suspecting that a little effort will be repaid in spades, as the saying goes ...
Anyway, fuck it ... Life, hey? ATO refund arrived, but took it's bloody time, I tell you - Centrelink apparently got their money nearly four (4) weeks ago ... Was such a spin out of a day-She sends me a text which I 'misread' as containing 50 kisses, ATO $ at bank, customers respond +ve to overtures-even the ones that I have NO idea what I am doing, home to a night of no contact, and instead spend nearly three (3) hours chatting, laughing, flirting, having fun ... and she says her life is great? Such fun, as Laughner says ...
The most fun thing is that she says (or sends me) things that resonate with me, make me think about things, so maybe there is something to this notion of mirroring, where u look for +ve, be +ve and you will see/be +ve ... Maybe
We had a team meeting yesterday, and Chris was particularly noticeable by his absence, late arrival, and then I overheard him describing it in the most -ve terms, as an onerous duty, to be suffered through, at best ... So sad, yet so true of him that he has this facade of glitter and gloam, which is so offset by his virtual gloom, or sadness ... Might have to try talking to him again ... Although I do wonder WHY!!! Bloody M, and her inspiring example - grr!!! Did I mention that she is wonderful?
Anyway, this is why the world is a better place, through the efforts of others (+ me) striving to help others, in every way, every day, ole!!!
Yeah, as Gough, would say, it is time. Time to finish. Time to move on. Time to let go. Time to embrace the wonderfulness ...

p.s. have always wondered about taking laptop on bus, keep typing, carry on like I just don't care, so let's do it ... ;)
So, here we are, light beaming in through windows, which I must confess is 1 particular concern I have about 'Silver Rocket' but fuck it - all about balance! Can see why certain ppl (e.g. JimE) are quite enraptured with the idea of netbooks and their portability, such as when travelling. Looking around I can see ppl playing with their iPhones - saw a bloke yesterday playing poker, in fact - but for me, such devices are too passive. What I wanted was something like the iPad, but more interactive, more capable of interacting through word and text, to be able to add your own comments, such as these. To be able to process information more clearly, to be able to run other programs, create my own realities, which is why I am kind of looking forward to the ePad ... Pity really, I would like to have another Apple, but must be pragmatic about the realities of commercial constraints, take the $ to where they are best utilised ... So we shall see, we shall see ... But the new Nano looks divine But does it fit in with the commercial requirements of my future? Pity I can no longer elicit Xmas gifts from family :( lol
Wow, this IS kind of cool, typing away on keyboard, whilst travelling/commuting along on bus ... says he as bus turns corner, leading to sun to shine directly onto screen, and all text to disappear ... Also shows how dirty/dusty it is all becoming ... grr ... Wonder if what Deno said about ppl not really appreciating you going OTT cleaning there place could be true enough, or just an excuse for me to give up? Certainly do feel that I have done enough around the place to justify giving up - see earlier comments ... So maybe best attitude will be just to maintain the clean spaces, not go OTT on the rest? We shall see, we shall see ...
Actually, I may get off next stop, look at USB stix for JimE ...
Gawd, what is going on??? Just went to bank to get some more $ and took the full $250.00 in $5 notes ... My only response to the question of why was to respond that it made me feel rich ... Which it does, but originally had did that so that my $50/week spending money would feel like it was lasting longer, and I don't need to do that so much these days ... Ah, fuck it ... Was SO funny in BOQ branch-odd interactions between customers and tellers, to watch the passive-aggressive posturings of customers, that I walked out thinking how good is my life! All this and so, so much more is mine, life lies before, awaiting for me (finally) to pay attention, to do what needs to be done? To play the game, sow the fields, reap the rewards, to enjoy the benefits of living, loving, to enjoy and be enjoyed ...
What a weirdo I am ... cute, but weird is possibly more apt, hey?
What say this day is about the opportunity to help others, to engage with others, and make my life better by making their's better?
Or is that too self serving???

Now comes the next challenge - seeing if I can upload this whilst on the bus ... ;)

Fucking amazing; Amazing fucking!!! Pt 1

Grr ... Feel like I have been set a task by my harsh School mistress, not that there were any mistresses at School, but you get what I mean ;) Yes, little M, my 3B (Big/Buxom Biker Babe/Bitch), is very fantastical, and I sometimes wonder/fear whether she will pop out of my life as quickly/easily as she has popped in :o In some ways, this is why I 'hate' Marcus so much-not only did he introduce me to WIFM (What's In It Form Me?), but having told me about putting out his specs to the universe, he got his wife/child/family. I tried it, and 'got' 3B-femme, tall, older, smart, shy, vulnerable, sharing, intimate, and caring. But maybe that was the 'easy' bit? Now the difficult bit will be hanging on to her, putting the effort into longevity, making the effort to fulfil her needs/wants! But such fun, as Laughner said, such fun, and so much worth such efforts!!! Anyway, went down to see her Saturday, having been warned away from making it too early, I was in fact running a little late, but it all worked out in the end-literally got to end of train platform, and the train pulled in! Anyway, got off at Varsity Lakes, got lost and then saw sign for Pacific Highway, which was where I wanted to be, so turned down that road, only to find 4k later a small innocuous sign saying 'No bicycles' (was the Motorway), so had to turn around and pedal back ... Anyway, was so much fun being out on the open road scooting along, nice wide shoulders, nice breeze, but can see that some more investigation needs to be done? Anyway, finally got there, and away it all went-rode to Fingal for lunch/wine/chat, and bloody Dennis rings to invite to a party at Ildi's, which I had to regretfully decline, being some 150k South, with some fantastical creature, having far more fun! Anyway, it was so, so good being with somebody who would interact and engage with estions - "What do you want to do?" "Really? Me too" - then work together to make it a pleasure to be with! We bought seafood on way back (prawns, crab, and oysters) to share on verandah with a nice wine; went swimming in ocean (which was so still and easy), made mushroom ragout, drank wine, and talked. Such tenuous touching, feeling arousal, going to bed, and feeling the nakedness of skin, that my mind still echoes with memories of sensations! Funny in a way how soon both lost the intimidation/admonishment of 'No sex' when together, an attitude of 'Yeah, no' prevailing, because it was so, so much fun! Although I tried to maintain respect for her saying no, for the pain from my ribs, it was just so, so good a feeling ... Amazing fucking, OMFG!!! And that was only the 1st night ... Of course, other shit happened that week - Apple has announced that they are bringing out a new series of iPods, and the Nano will be so small, albeit still 8/16G in capacity. Put some more photos up on FaceBook, of the day when fog smothered Brisbane, especially the City. Rode out to JimEz the weekend before, and got this wonderful series of Hunter just looking into the camera lens, which I really must get to JimE to enjoy, as he likes those things. So I guess I had better go and buy some USB/flash drive(s) to share? Managed to also get some rides into work this week-nowhere near where it needs to be, of course, but it is almost as if the quality is enhanced by the drawback in quantity? Times naturally have improved, and having the cycle computer is a wonderful addition :) Who says it sucks to be me? Anyway, maybe I should make this Part 1???

Grumpy bum?

This week, it has been like the mid-point of one of my ribs is majorly twinging - yesterday at work, I went to take a big, deep breath, to celebrate the end of the week, the joy of being alive, and whimpered in pain :(
Special mention must go to the makers of Pureau who have made a water worth buying-reverse osmosis creates a water that quite literally has nothing in it! Just check the side of the box-the percentages are always so miniscule as to be neglected/ignored! If you do not know what I mean, have a look at the side of the next commercial water you get, and see how that actual 'flavour' of the water is often from the particular combination of chemicals in there ... The taste is so empty, reminding me of rain water from my past, clean, effortless, echoing the tang of the tank that it had been sitting in ...
As for my visit to New Farm Park, it was reminiscent of my previous visits, but it just seems that it is now used differently? Down the Merthyr Street end are playing fields, particularly for soccer, but there is even a little canteen there now! Moving towards the river, there are still extensive rose gardens-although I am unsure of the varieties :( Still, an opportunity to further explore, hey? Then there are the rotundas, which still seem to be used for weddings, parties, anything. After that, there is a kind of dip down to the river, with the banks being really quite beautiful to picnic upon, looking out across the river, watching boats drift by, ferries commuting passengers along ... Oh, one special area that really seems to have been enhanced is the 'Dragon's playground' (I think it is called?), which is a great area for children to play in/on. There are swings, ropes, areas to explore-last time I went there, children had to drag me away, I was having that much fun! Of course, the Park backs on to what is considered Brisbane's premier arts' area, the Powerhouse - although, to be fair, it is only one of several premier districts in Brisbane ...
As for this week, I rode to work twice, taking about an hour each way, which was really quite amazingly good :) However, the 1st time I did it, I really, really suffered low blood sugar afterwards, and so was a bit 'grumpy' at customers ... Which reminds me, I had asked young Chris some time ago (2 weeks?) what he would change about me-this being part of my trying to understand what others perceive me as-and he replied that my instinctive agressive response to situations was confronting/worrying ... Anyway, there are a lot of customers who are totally 'Where is my refund???' and some of them were starting to be a bit aggressive to us-to the point where Wendy actually got so upset on Wednesday that she had to go home! grr Hmm, and my refund is still not come :( However, did get a letter from Centrelink saying that after 'careful consideration' they have decided to garnish my ITRR :o I mean, I knew they would, but WTF? What were the reasoning(s) behind this 'consideration' - more importantly, why could those reasons not be enunciated to me???
My efforts to elicit a SLX-01 seems to have come to nought - both Yellow Jersey and Velo were offered the exact specs of what was required, both said they would get back to me, neither has :( However, I did see some other possibilities, such as the cute NeilPryde designed frames and the ones from Canyon, which the Pharma-Lotto boys were recently riding in the TdF. One of the really, really great things about the Canyon bikes is that they have 660mm ST frames ... OMFG!!! So, might explore a bit further on that one ... Damn, yes, why not? They are a German manufacturer, who do not have retail outlets, providing all goods by post-which may make choosing/experiencing the frames a bit difficult? But they do have a rather good sizing/positioning evaluator on their site, so may have to do more measurements? Maybe I should just order the bike/frame + componentry I want, but through the post? Or, order the frame, and let OlE make it up for me???
Anyway, let us see what is to come for this next week ...

This week, what happened?

Today I went and spent some money on my bike - replacement Sigma 1606 computer (only need the head unit, but not able to buy separately, so bought the whole unit. Again) and tyres (Specialized 'Nimbus'), which I then proceeded to swop over with the Vredestein Scarabs, which were a bit threadbare, shall we say?
Received a text from Moira saying 'Chat tonite' but am completely ambiguous as to whether that means that she is to appear on my doorstep, and we will talk? Or, she will going flying past, and will chat by Messenger tonight? Sux to be me, hey? Am so uncertain about this r/ship stuff ... But, did come up with an interesting thought:

Relationships are like gardens. You spend all this time preparing the bed, building the soil up, turning/refreshing, making it (you) as healthy and attractive as possible. But you do not then just throw seeds in and walk away. You nuture the new growth, watering, fertilising, clearing away opportunistic weeds, stimulating/guiding the growth, then reap the rewards ...

Well, I thought it was cute/good, anyway ... And let us be realistic here, I am going to probably be the only one who will read this ... ;)
In other news, I am solidly SICK of all the cleaning that I am doing-has this woman had a brain freeze, and just given up? Has she not heard of annual/periodic cleaning? Certainly am not the most freaky of clean freaks, but the amount of dust is just killing me-swear it is like 6" thick under the bed!!! Actually, it is not, but you get the idea ... Hmm, anyway, am just focussed upon the slow and steady mode-guess that is the advantage of having such a small space? Other than that, and the electric stove, it is disarmingly cute there ...
Gawd, what else have I done this week??? Um, worked, chatted to Moira, went for a drink (or three) with JimE, went to Jan Power's Farmers Markets down near the PowerHouse, and had a trip over to West End for a haircut (got clipper job, but he charged the same as for a 'real' cut!!!), octupii (which seem to have gone well with a lime/garlic/ginger flavouring?), and a wander about, just to see what was happening in the 'old' burb ... Oh, and Sue told me on Tuesday night - Trivia with the boys (but it seems that it started an hour earlier, but crossed lines of communication meant that few were aware. Not that mattered for me, as I was working until 1830, anyway), and then onto Lock n Load for a few, in the midst of an extremely heavy Brisbane rainstorm - that she was not coping, so going away for a month to Europe (e.g. Germany/Spain) ... Oh, and G-Man rang me late on Friday night, and JimE got a bit jealous at how long I was away chatting??? Then went to collect mail at PO Box, called Moira, then walked home via cliffs chatting ... Until the battery suddenly cut out ... :o
Awoke this morning feeling very, very sore :( Back is still twinging sporadically ... is it kidneys? Or a momento of fractured ribs? Does hurt like buggery!!! Oh yeah, took bike out for spin (see tyre anecdote above), came back via New Farm Park, thought to jump over the double speed bumps, as you do-landed and nearly fell off from the pain at the jarring of the clavicle ...